Just random tomb raider stories
by laraandkurtisfan97
Summary: NOTHING TO DO WITH THE WITH OR WITHOUT YOU TRIOLOGY A group of random tomb raider stories. Chapter 8 - Larson gets a strict warning from Lara, then ignores it, causing chaos. Please review!
1. Skitles

Just Random Tomb Raider stories

Disclaimer : I don' own Lara, Kurtis or Winston

Chapter 1

Skitles

"Ah, Mr Trent, but it is you who were fooled. I didn't roll a five, I rolled a six. That means I don't go down the snake and I get a second shot."

Kurtis mumbled something about 'old wankers' and 'too much free time', under his breath. He looked up as Lara entered the kitchen in her nighty. "What are you playing?" she asked as she sat down beside Kurtis.

"Snakes and ladders." Winston replied as he rolled the dice again. "Six!"

"And he's winning" Kurtis muttered. Snaking an arm around Lara's waist.

"He's eighty years old, I think he's had a lot more practise at this than you."

"Eighty! Sly dog told me he was sixty three!" Winston blushed.

"And you believed him! If he was in his early sixties do you think he would be a decripit-old-bastard who needs a zimmer frame to get in the house, a handle to get out the bath, a scooter to get around and one of those chair things that lifts you up the stairs!" Lara asked, shocked at how gullible Kurtis was.

"I don't know. He says somethin', I believe him 'cause he insists and I'm just confused."

Meanwhile, Winston was getting closer and closer to the end. "92,93,94. I'm getting closer, Mr Trent." A smile plastered his face.

"I'm off to bed. See you in a bit." she kissed Kurtis lightly on the lips and turned to leave the kitchen.

She turned back a second later. "Oh, I forgot my maga-" She was cut off mid-sentence and her eyes widened as Winston jumped out of his seat and motioned for Kurtis to 'get it up himself'.

"Up ye, Up ye, Get it right up ye!" He screamed. He had obviously reached the 100 point. Kurtis edged back in his chair, eyes widening in shock.

"Winston." Lara whispered in utter disbelief. Winston sat himself back down, his face becoming redder by the second. "Sorry, Ms Croft. I don't know what came over me"

"Winston. It's just snakes and ladders. A two year old could win at that. There's no need to get aggressive." Lara turned and headed out the kitchen to her bedroom.

She was lying in bed reading 'Closer' when Kurtis entered the room and hopped into their bed. He reached into the bedside table at his side of the bed and pulled out his own book. "Whatcha' reading?" he asked Lara as he sat next to her.

"Closer. This week their talking about : Coleen at last looking pregnant instead of fat, A five year old ASBO, Jordan at war with Peter and Charlotte church's new curves. But I'm currently reading an article about Victoria Beckham wanting to spend time alone with her husband." she looked over at Kurtis who was pretending to snoar. "Stop it!"

"Sorry. I'm just tired and that load of crap didn't help."

Lara placed her magazine down on her bedside cabinet, Kurtis mirroring her actions and turned off the bedside lamp. "Night." Lara said as Kurtis wrapped an arm around her, while she placed her head on his chest. "Night"

XXXXXX

Lara awoke the next morning at the sound of VERY loud snoring. She rolled over in her bed, so she could face Kurtis and bolted up right with a scream.

"What's wrong Lara?" Kurtis woke up as soon as he heard her scream. She didn't need to answer him. Lying in between Lara and Kurtis, was Winston, sleeping happily under the covers with a teddy bear in his hands. "What the hell is he doing in here?!"

Lara suddenly leapt out of bed and sat down beside Kurtis. "Shh" Winston whispered.

"Winston!" Lara screamed

"Yes, mi'lady?"

"What the fuck are you doing in Kurtis' and I's bed?"

"I couldn't get to sleep. There were monsters in my wardrobe." he said turning to face them both. Lara was now in the covers behind Kurtis. It was only four o'clock in the morning.

"Winston, mate. Your a bit old to think that there's monsters in your closet, are you not?" Kurtis said yawning.

"But Mr Trent, mate. I couldn't get a wink of sleep and you and Lara looked so cosy..."

"So you thought you'd join us?!" Lara shouted, sitting up again. "Winston, go back to your room and leave us alone!"

With a sigh, Winston got out of there bed and opened and slammed the door behind him. Lara climbed back to her side of the bed and Kurtis held her close. She was on the verge of falling asleep when 'Paddy's revenge' by Steve Mac played, full volume downstairs. Groaning, Kurtis and Lara scrambled out of bed and dragged themselves downstairs.

"WINSTON! FOR FUCK'S SAKE. GO. TO. SLEEP!!!" Lara screamed over the music. Kurtis scanned the room for Winston and burst out in a fit of laughter when he saw him dancing, club style, with a woman not much older than him. "Oh, for god's sake." Lara sighed before walking over to the stereo and turning it off. "Winston. Firstly, I'm not going to say it again. Go. To. Bed. Not me and Kurtis' bed, your bed. And secondly. Who the fuck are you?" she said staring at the woman who clearly had to much to drink.

"I'm a fairy." she said while twirling down.

Kurtis walked towards her and forced her towards the front door. "Yes. A very pretty fairy as well. No get the hell outa our house!"

Lara and Kurtis turned back to Winston. "Winston. Are you on somethin'?" Kurtis asked.

"Skitles" he said while sniffing his fingers.

"Winston, you know the doctor said that they make you hyper. And that could possibly kill you at your age. Now good night."Lara turned and made her way up the stairs, Kurtis following. They were not long on bed when they heard a crash from downstairs. "WINSTON!!!" they both shouted in unison.

AN : Right, it's supposed to be funny, but i'm not very good at it. But I tried my hardest.


	2. Love

_Dum da dum da dum _Alistair hummed while he walked threw the hall of Croft Manor. He had a dream last night that Zip had proposed to him. Oh how he wished it was real. He loved Zip with all his heart and wished he felt the same way. But there was one thing getting in the way. Zip was straight. Alistair was gay. It wouldn't work out.

He strolled into the tech room, where Lara, Kurtis and Zip were playing 'snap'. They looked up at him as he entered and smiled politely as he sat himself down beside them. "Morning Alistair." they all groaned.

"Morning Lara, Kurtis." he sighed blissfully. "Morning Zip."

"Yeah." Zip said in reply, placing a card on top of the last one.

Kurtis was next. He placed his card down and sighed when he didn't have a double. Alistair stared at Zip, practically drooling. He was thinking of all the possible ways he could tell him how he felt when Lara screamed "SNAP!"

"I'm gonna get a drink. You want somethin'?" Zip asked his three companions, standing. They all shook their heads, apart from Alistair who was too bust staring at Zips 'handsome' face.

When Zip disappeared into the kitchen, Kurtis turned to Alistair. "You OK, Alis?"

"Yeah. Just peachy." he sighed. "Lara, Kurtis. Can I tell you something?"

"Course you can Alistair." Lara replied cheerily. Kurtis took a bite of his toast while Alistair continued.

"Well, I'm sorta, in love. But with someone who's practically my best friend." he sighed. "Zip."

Kurtis spat his food out on Lara and she wiped the splatter away before turning back to Alistair. "Zip? As in you love Zip? As I you're gay?"

"Yes. Did you not know that Lara?"

"No. But now that you mention it."

"You should tell him how you feel." Kurtis laughed, imagining Zip's face when being told he was loved. By Alistair.

"Do you really think so?"

"Yeah. He'll be real shocked a nice BIG surprise." Lara kicked Kurtis under the table, trying to hide her own laughter.

"OK, I'll do it then." he stood up and left the room heading for the library.

As soon as he left, Lara and Kurtis broke out into a fit of laughter. "Oh my god. This'll be a laugh. The look on Zip's face." Kurtis got out.

"We should be supportive of his decision. But Zip of all people." she laughed.

XXXXXX

Alistair leant over the banister, waiting for Zip to come home so he could tell him how he felt. He was wearing his smartest suit. He really wanted to impress Zip.

The front door swung open and Alistair hit himself away as he heard a second voice, other than Zip's. "Night, Sam" he said while kissing the girl.

"Night Zip." he was about to close the door when Alistair came out of the shadows and slapped the girl across the mouth. "Slut!" he breathed before slamming the door in her face.

"What was that all about Alistair?!" Zip shouted to his friend.

"I need to tell you something Zip. And I don't want her getting in the way."

"What is it now Alistair?" he sighed

"I love you Zip." he said.

AN Kay, I know it's short, VERY short, but I couldn't think of how to write it in detail.

Nikitaxx/laraandkurtisfan97


	3. Not Enough Men

Not Enough Men

**AN : Here's chapter three. I decided to carry the whole Alistair in love with Zip thing and so you can see what Zip says.**

**Disclaimer : I don't own Alistair, Zip, Lara, Kurtis or Winston**

"I'm sorry Alistair, you what?" Zip asked dumbstruck at what he had been told.

"I said I-" he was stopped mid-sentence as Lara and Kurtis came threw the front door, hand-in-hand, giggling and talking about a clearly gay waiter that had served them at dinner.

"He was clearly gay. Maybe we should tell Alistair about him. He seemed his type." Kurtis laughed but stopped and smiled weakly as Alistair stood before them. He huffed and flung an imaginary hair over shoulder and stormed upstairs into his room. "What's with him?"

"Well, besides you insulting him about being gay. He just told me he loved me." Zip said, his mouth still dropping to the floor.

"So. He told you did you." Lara said looking uncomfortably away, biting her lip as hard as she could to stop her laugh getting out.

"Yes. How am I gonna look him in the eye! I'm straight! Not gay!"

"Look, pal. I dunno. Just talk to him. I'm sure he'll understand.(And if he doesn't like it, there's always that waiter at the restaurant.)" he whispered the last part to Lara.

"Fine. I'll do it in the morning. People are weird at night. He might take it the wrong way and kiss me or kill me. I dunno." he stormed off upstairs to his room, leaving a rather amused Lara and Kurtis staring after him.

Lara slipped into bed next to Kurtis who was sniggering, remembering the earlier events of the day. "You're horrible, making a fool of him like that." she said as she turned the bedside lamp off.

"You can't honestly say that you didn't expect this was coming. The dreamy eyes, drooling, watching where ever he went."

"Goodnight Kurtis."

"Night, sweetheart"

XXXXXX

Zip awoke the next morning, a feeling a dread and worry covering him. He was supposed to tell Alistair that he wasn't in love with him and that he was straight. _Oh, god. He's gonna kill me._ He ventured into the kitchen, sitting down with a cup of tea. He looked around to see Alistair coming in from the garden. _Brilliant_ he thought leaning back in his chair, trying to make himselff comfortable even though he was far from it.

"Alistair. Look. I'm sorry mate. But I'm straight. And I'm not in love with you. Sorry." Zip said to Alistair as Lara and Kurtis entered the kitchen.

Alistair sighed. "I know. Sorry." Zip got up and left the kitchen.

"So. He told ya huh?" asked Kurtis, starting to boil the kettle.

"Yes. But he's not the only man out there. Hello Kurtis."

Kurtis dropped the kettle and rushed behind Lara, looking although he had seen a ghost. "Lara. I'm scared." he whispered to his ear. And she just laughed in return.


	4. Clubbing

Clubbing

**AN : Here's chapter 4 of Just Random Tomb Raider Stories. I decided to carry on the concept of Alistair being gay in this story for one more chapter, but by chapter 5 we'll move onto something else. I changed this chapter cause Alistair was really out of character and I was being a bit steriotypical. **

**I'd like to thank Lime Frog for pointing out the things I could change in this chapter. And thanks for the review as well.**

**Disclaimer : I don't own Lara, Kurtis, Alistair, Zip or Winston.**

"No." Alistair said simply before taking another sip of his hot tea. A good thing to have when you were just walking about in a bloody storm, when it was sunny only half an hour ago and you didn't have a jacket. He caught colds easily.

"Aw. C'mon Alis. It'll be great fun!" Kurtis pleaded.

"I said no. I'm not going anywhere like that."

"Not going anywhere like what?" Lara asked as she walked into the kitchen and standing beside Alistair.

"Me and Kurtis are tryin' to show Alistair that he can have a good time. Y'know take him somewhere nice. A club." Zip said, gulping down the rest of his tea and walking over to the sink, dumping his cup in it.

"A GAY club." Alistair corrected.

"A gay club? Why can't you go to a normal club?"

"'Cause we're tryin to make him see that Zip's not the only guy out there. Let him meet someone."

"You really are taking the piss aren't you. If you haven't noticed I would never step foot anywhere near a club let alone a gay club." Alistair said

"So basically you're not proud then." Kurtis said.

"Kurtis Trent! Don't you blackmail him into this!" Lara shouted.

"Woah! Calm down Lara. I was only having a laugh."

Alistair stood up and exited the room, leaving Lara, Kurtis and Zip alone. "I know but it helps to control the laughter." she sat herself down opposite Kurtis, "Imagine what he would be like at a club! Let alone a gay club! Oh his face if someone hit on him." she laughed. "You'll have to drug him in order to do it though."

"That's where you come in Lara my dear." Winston came out from the freezer, shivering and rubbing his arms in order to warm himself up.

_How does he always escape!_ She thought. "Excuse me?"

"You are practically his best friend child. You talk him into it something like." he clears his throat and straightens his posture and begins to talk in a more feminine tone, "Oh. C'mon Alistair. You're my bestest bestest friend and it would totally break me if you didn't go. Please. PRETTY PLEASE. And then the rest is history." he began to walk out the kitchen door, shivering again before Lara stopped him.

"Winston. Firstly, I don't talk like that. Secondly, what makes you think he'll listen to me and thirdly. How the hell do you always find a way out of there?!"

"Some things are meant to be left to the imagination, m'lady." and then he disapeered into thin air, coming back a second later, searching around the room. "Has anybody seen my tray? It's what makes you think I'm around when I'm not. You know, it clatters around making it seem like I'm near but I'm off in the Caribbean."

They just looked at him and then Zip picked up and threw him his tea-tray.

* * *

"Alisair. I think it'll be good for you. Have a free night." Lara sighed as she sat down on the couch opposite her friend.

"I don't know Lara. It's just not me. And how could I ever forget Zip. No man will ever live up to him. No matter how hard they try." he sighed blissfully, staring off into space.

Lara snapped her fingers in front of him. "Alistair. You're drooling." he came back to earth.

"Oh. I couldn't be that bad. I suppose so. But only for an hour."

"Thank-you." she stood up, patted him on the back and left the libary.

* * *

"Lara! Hurry up!" Zip shouted as he entered the garage, sitting in the Aston Martin beside Alistair, Kurtis sitting in the passenger seat.

Lara entered, groaning as she half carried Winston into the room, his arm was around her shoulder and he panted heavily. Kurtis had to clutch his stomach in order to stop laughing. Winston was wearing a rainbow dyed top and leather shorts. He was also wearing a cap on his head, tilted to the side for trend or to him 'how the young hipsters would wear it'.

"Winston!? You're coming?" Kurtis asked as Lara flooped him down on the back seat.

"I wouldn't miss an outing Mr Trent. And pansy clubs are fun."

"Winston. It's not a pansy club, it's a gay club. And we're only going there for Alistair." Lara sighed, starting the engine. "I didn't want to do this! It was you who insitsted!" Alistair shouted.

"It is a pansy club, Ms Croft! Have you seen Master Alistair?"

"Lets get this over and done with." Lara sighed as she drove off.

* * *

Lara and Kurtis sat down at a small table in the corner in the club, dancers, including Alistair and Winston, surrounding them. After forty five minuets at the club, Alistair had gotten drunk, strangley, and danced his way to oblivion, Winston joining him because he once again thought it was 'what the young hipsters would do' and liked the idea of dancing with a 'pansy'.

Zip walked over to them, carrying a tray of drinks, He placed it down and plopped himself down next to Kurtis. "Here ya go." he handed Lara a soda water and lime, Kurtis a bottle of Stella Artois and placed a bottle of Budwaiser in front of himself. "Alistair seems to be enjoying himself." Kurtis said, sipping his beer.

"Yeah. Strange really. He didn't want to come and now he's drunk and dancing in a gay club to Girls Aloud. I didn't even think he knew who they were. And wishing he hadn't come before." Lara began. "Speak of the devil" Alistair and Winston were walking towards them, Winston waving a leaf of paper about.

"Enjoying yourself mate?" Zip asked Alistair as he reached them.

"You bet! And thanks Lara for making me come here. I really appreciate it girlfriend!"

"Girlfriend?! Alistaitr how much have you had to drink?"

"I don't know. How can you do maths when you're surrounded by SO many fit guys?!"

"Alot." she muttered and sipped at her drink. "What about you Winston? Young and pansy enough for you?" she chuckled.

"Fantastic, Miss Croft. Look this nice man gave me his phone number. A nice new friend for us!" he waved the sheet of paper in front of the threesome.

"Winston. That's not what he mean-" she was caught off as Alistair dragged Winston back into the crowd of dancers. "He's gonna regret that tomorrow."

"He's havin' fun. Right, I'm gonna get a packet of crisps. You want anythin'?" Kurtis asked standing.

"Salt and vinegar crisps please."

"I'll come with you." Zip said, also standing up and Kurtis and him walked over to the bar. Only a second after they had left, a tall, thin man walked over to Lara. "Excuse me?" he sat down next to her.

"Yes?" she edged away from him.

"I was wonderin' if you could give me that seriously cute guy's number?"

"Which guy? If you haven't noticed I'm here with four."

"The older one, of course! He's gorgeous! I've been watchin' him all night. Love at first sight." he sighed.

"Winston?!" she laughed. Obviously he was definetley a bigger hit than she thought

**AN : There's chapter 4. Hope you like it. I have changed alot because the first version was too steriotypical.**

**I'll post chapter 5 up on Saturday.**

**Nikita/laraandkurtisfan97**


	5. Kurtis vs the cat

Kurtis vs the cat

**AN I've moved on from Alistair bein' gay. Ma pal got this cat, but her brother hates it, and it inspired me for this chapter.**

**Disclaimer : I don't own Lara Croft, Kurtis Trent, Winston Smith, Alistair Fletcher or Zip. But I do own the cat.**

Lara woke with a start at Kurtis screaming, "WINSTON!!!" _For god's sake what is he moaning about now_. She forced herself out of the covers and slipped her housecoat on. She opened the door of her bedroom and leaned over the banister. Kurtis was standing on the settee with a broom in his hand, pointing the bushy end towards a small kitten, sitting on the coffee table. Winston had bought himself a cat and everybody loved it. Except Kurtis. He claimed to be 'allergic' to cats but he swore that the cat it out for him.

"Kurtis! It's 3 bloody AM." she said yawning. "Why did you scream half the house down?"

"It's that stupid thing that you call a cat, that's what it is. I wake up this mornin' to the smell of pish and realise it's sprayed me, then I get up and put my boots on. It's crapped in them. I come downstairs to put it outside and then he's ripped up my favourite shirt." he held holding up a black T-shirt that has been torn to shreds.

"Put it outside?! It's a kitten, you don't put them outside." she began to walk downstairs.

"Lara. I don't care what you say. But that's not a cat." he stepped back as Lara picked it up, edging as far away from it as possible. "And I swear that every time it hisses it says 'Kurtis'. And what's with the name. 'Angel'. My ass. I should've been called Satin."

"I didn't name it and your overreacting. It's just a little kitten." she stroked it's fur and Angel purred while closing his eyes.

"OVERREACTING!!!"

"Exactly my point."

Alistair and Zip came rushing out of their rooms, Alistair with an ornament in his hand, Zip with golf club. Winston also came slowly walking out of the kitchen with frying pan. "What's goin' on?" Zip asked.

"That thing that you call a cat is pissin' me off."

"It's just a cat Kurtis, mate. Calm down."

"CALM DOWN!!! The thing should be kept on a leash. It belongs in the wild!"

"Will you please stop screaming. Are you trying to give me a hearing aid?" Lara asked while she placed Angel down and walked back upstairs. Everybody else returned to their quarters, leaving Kurtis and Angel. Angel hissed. "Kurtis".

His eyes widened. "You're turning them against me, aren't you?" and he stormed upstairs, leaving Angel spraying the furniture.

XXXXXX

Kurtis was in the kitchen, making a sandwich, wearing oven mitts, not the best thing to be wearing when preparing a sandwich. He was alone and that was exactly why he was wearing them. He new that Angel would be lurking somewhere, waiting to pounce on him, and the oven mitts were the closest thing to a barge pole that he had. He took a bowl out from the cupboard and placed it down on the counter, filling it up with Angel's cat food. He opened the kitchen door and flung it out as quickly as he could, slamming the door shut again.

He turned back to his sandwich. He placed a slice of bread down, buttered it and then went to the fridge. He was starving. He pulled out : ham, cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber and mayonnaise. _And Lara says I have weird taste buds_ he mused. He opened the ham and placed the slices down on the bread. Next was the cheese. He unwrapped the packet and started to slice the cheese. Which was quite difficult because he was wearing padded gloves. He placed the cheese down on top of the ham. Next the pickle. He put the pickle down on the chopping board and got a vegetable knife out of the drawer. He tried to slice it but couldn't because at that very moment a bird flew into the window and Kurtis cut his finger besides the fact he was wearing gloves.

After he put a Winnie the Pooh plaster on. He made his way to the garden door to look at the dead bird. He opened the door and Angel came rushing in. He ignored his hissing and looked for the bird. There was none. "It's smarter than it looks" he sighed. 'It' being Angel. When he closed the door and turned round, he saw that his sandwich had been eaten. "No. I don't think so. You're foods out there." he placed the gloves on and held Angel at arms length. He flung him roughly out the room and turned back to his sandwich.

He was at the exact same spot when a vase broke from in the living room. "Brake everythin' you want 'Satin', I'm not leaving my sandwich."

Finally Kurtis finished making his sandwich and decided to eat it while watching TV in the living room. He opened the door to the lounge while taking a bite of his sandwich. When he looked up, his plate dropped to the ground and his mouth fell open. Lara, Alistair, Zip and Winston were standing at the front door, Lara holding a shaking Angel. "Kurtis, what did you do to him?" Angel had been lying in torn shreds of the couch and almost everything in the room was broken. When Angel had walked towards Lara, he limped, making it look as though Kurtis had hurt him. "I didn't do anything! That cat has got it in for me!"

"So we just found him here, limping and everything broken while you were stuffing your face like no tomorrow, and you had nothing to do with it?" Alistair asked.

"Hey. I didn't do nothin'. The deranged thing even jumped into the window to eat my sandwich!"

"How is a kitten that's not even 4 months old meant to jump on a window?" Lara asked beginning to walk upstairs.

"I dunno. Maybe it has springs or somethin'"

Alistair and Winston disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Kurtis and Zip alone. "I didn't do anythin'!"

"Look, I believe ya. Woke up this mornin' after your screaming parade, and found my two best computers insides, out. I was the only one awake and the CCTV showed 'Angel' in the tech room. And then when I was checking the alarm systems in the Trophy room, Angel came runnin' in and knocked everythin' over. I picked him up and he hissed my name and stuck his tounge out when Lara came walkin' in. I think it's out for me. And you."

"Finally. Somebody who beliefs me." Kurtis said before turning to the mess in the seating area. "Better get started on this." he sighed.

XXXXXX

Alistair was in his room, reading over some notes of Avalon. He heard a slight purring and scratching noise at his door. He opened it and Angel skipped in quite happily. Alistair knelt down and started to stroke the cat. Angel lifted his paw and punched Alistair before running off onto his bed and tearing his duvet cover to shreds. "Angel!" Alistair exclaimed. "Alistair" Angel hissed, and then leapt towards Alistair.

Lara and Kurtis were downstairs with Winston, playing happy families. The heard a deafening scream coming from Alistair's room and rushed upstairs and into the room. Alistair was lying on the ground, wrestling with Angle. Kurtis was pleased to see that Alistair was winning, "Allis! Allis!" he started to chant, punching his fist in the air, but stopped when Lara gave him a deadly look. If looks could kill, not only would he be six feet under but he would be rotting with cockroaches and slugs squirming out of his eye sockets. Ah, what he had to look forward to with life with Lara. He cleared his throat. "Erm. I mean, Satin, Satin. Erm, Angel, Angel."

"Master Alistair. If you (pant pant) don't mind me (pant pant) asking (pant) what on (cough) earth are you (spits blood out) doing?" Winston asked, just arriving after running as fast as he could up the stairs, which was at like 50 yards an hour. "Angel just leapt at me and then tore my sheets apart and then attacked me again." he said, holding Angel at arms length while standing up. "But, (cough) Master Alistair (spits more blood out) Angel wouldn't-" Winston couldn't finish his sentence, as he fell to the floor unconscious.

Lara ignored Winston. "Kurtis. Have you drugged Angel? He's acting awful strangely recently."

"Lara I told you I didn't do anything! Who are you going to believe? The devil in a cat's body or the man your meant to love?!"

"I would believe him Lara." a man said behind them with a South American accent. They turned round and Lara's mouth dropped to the floor in shock. "Larson?!"

"Yes M'am?" he tipped his head in a slight bow.

"I thought you were dead! And what are you doing in my house?"

"Well, me and my friends have decided to form a club. It's called the (takes big breaths) Larson's-club-for-people-with-no-friends-when-we-act-like-babies-and-pretend-to-be-hobos-some-days-and-fairytale-characters-other-days." he let out the breath he was holding.

"I'm sorry, what?" Lara asked.

Larson took another deep breath, "It's called the Larso-"

"No, I got that bit. But what are you doing in my house?" she walked towards him, while Angel continued to attack Alistair, Kurtis joining in on the fight.

"Didn't you hear. Today's hobo day. I need a place to stay."

"Larson, the last I heard you had a house."

"Really? Why did nobody tell me?!"

"It's your house, people probably thought you knew." she sighed and closed her eyes. When she opened them, Larson was watching Kurtis, Alistair and Angel fight, yelling. "A tenner a match, tenner a match!"

"Larson, get out of my house."

"Really? I thought YOU were in MY house. Strange." he stood up and walked don the hall into Lara and Kurtis' room. Lara sighed and turned to the wrestling match. She forced the three of them apart and lifted Angel into her arms before storming off after Larson.

Alistair wiped the blood away from his arms. "Angel was so strange. He wasn't behaving like that before." Alistair wondered aloud.

"He always acted like that!" Kurtis stomped and followed Lara.

"Larson! Get out of our bed!!!" Lara screamed as Kurtis entered the room. "And she blames me for tryin' to burst her eardrums" he muttered to no-one in particular.

"Who's bed. You and who?" Larson asked.

"Me and Kurtis'!"

"Who's Kurtis? That old man on the floor?"

"Haha! Very funny Larson!"

"Well, it must come naturally 'cause I wasn't makin' a joke."

"This is Kurtis." she pointed to Kurtis standing beside him.

"Aw. That's less. Disgusting. Who's he again?"

"Larson, you really are thick aren't you? Now get out of our bed."

"Fine. You spoil all my fun." he huffed.

"When have I ever spoiled your fun?" she said stroking Angel.

"Well, first you kill me, then you-"

"It doesn't matter. Goodbye Larson." Larson got up and walked to the window. He pulled the curtains open and jumped out. He landed on a horse and then rode away into the sunset yelling "Yeehaw!" to passers-by.

"Thank god he's gone." Lara sighed.

"Erm. Lara." Kurtis started, looking over her shoulder.

"What's it now?" she sighed.

"Angel's over there." he pointed behind her. Angel had made his way out of Lara's arms during the conversation with Larson.

"Wow. That's so interesting." her words dripping with sarcasm.

"Look." he turned her round. She almost fainted at what she saw. Angel was in the en-suite bathroom, scratching at the tiles on the floor. He had knocked over all of Lara's perfumes, squeezed the tooth paste over the floor, dumped their toothbrushes in the toilet, ripped the shower curtain and cracked the mirror. How a small kitten would do this, she would never know."Winston!"

As soon as she shouted the words, Angel ran up to Kurtis and started clawing at him, hissing "Kurtis" he flung it off him and onto the bed. "See. Did you hear that? Kurtis. It hissed my name!" Just then, Winston burst into the room, panting and wheezing. "Yes (pant pant) m'lady?"

"What have you done to little Angel?"

"I haven't don-"

"What?! Sorry, Winston. But can't you see that that cat isn't completely normal. It needs to be put down!"

"We are not going to put it down!"

"It's me or the cat. In fact, it's me, Zip, Alistair or the cat."

"Fine! You don't have to be so angry all the time" she picked Angel up and kissed him on the top of his head. "Lara" he hissed.

She held him out and looked at him. He stuck the tip of his tounge out and leant his head to the side. _Why do cats always do that?_

"See. Did ya hear that? It hissed your name!" Kurtis laughed, finally he was winning.

"I know. It's SO cute!" she hugged Angel.

"What? Wait-" but before he could finish, Angel suddenly attacked Lara, clawing and scratching at her face. She pulled him off her and put him into Winston's waiting hands. "That cat just attacked me. It can kill you lot for all I care, but when it messes with me, that's the end of it. I want it out. And you can go with it Winston."

"Excuse me, Miss Croft?" Winston asked, stunned.

"I want you and the cat out of here." she handed him an already waiting suitcase from under the bed. "Bye. You brought him here. So you can take him back. You did get him from South America after all."

"But it took 6 weeks for him to get here. And he's not even been in here for 1!"

"I don't give a fuck! That cat has proved to me it's evil and I couldn't give a shit about you. Bye bye"

"You've changed your tune." Kurtis whispered.

"Don't even get me started on you, Kurtis Trent!"

Winston sobbed his way down to the front door and out of the house. He was on his way to the gate when Larson came riding on his horse and stopped beside him. "Hi! I'm Larson!" he said cheerily.

"Winston.(sob) Lara's thrown me out (sob)."

"You can live with me! Today's hobo day." and Larson helped Winston onto his horse and then galloped into the distance, while still in ear shot of Croft Manor, Angel bit Winston. "Lara was right, Angel!"


	6. Of hobo's, pirates and butlers

Of pirates, hobo's and butlers

**AN : Here's chapter 6. Winston comes back with, unfortunately for Lara, Larson. But will Lara except Winston?**

**Thanks to Lime Frog for all the reviews and support. I appreciate it. **

**Disclaimer : I don't own Lara Croft, Kurtis Trent, Zip, Winston Smith, Alistair Fletcher or Larson Conway.**

Lara and Kurtis lied snuggled up together in bed. It was raining heavily outside and the pitter patters of the raindrops on the window sent all of the occupants of Croft Manor to sleep, almost as soon as their heads hit their pillows. It had been almost a week since the 'Satin' incident. A week since they had last seen Larson. Or Winston. Lara regretted sending him away on such a small mistake, but was sticking to her words. She would not plead to him to come back. Besides, she had Kurtis, Zip and Alistair to do all the work in the house.

Just as she was on the verge of unconsciousness in Kurtis' arms, a window broke from the lounge area of their bedroom. Lara shot up right immediately, pulling her pistols from underneath her pillow. Kurtis was still asleep and turned over on his side mumbling "Five more minuets".

She shook him and he turned over glaring at her, "What is it mum?"

"I'm not your mother and somebody's in here." she got up and stealthed her way towards the lounge in her room. Kurtis dragged himself awake and followed Lara, his chirugai in his hand. When he joined her, he found himself covering his mouth, trying not to laugh.

There was a large bum edging it's way threw the window, slowly. The window hadn't been smashed properly and the invader got stuck, his bum getting cut and wedged in between the glass. "Captain Hobo! Captain Hobo! I'm stuck!." the man who was trying to break into the house shouted.

"Hang on! I'll be up in a minuet, Old Fart the second. I'll be there in a minuet!" and then the man stuck in the window, stopped squirming. A second later, Lara and Kurtis heard a second window break, this time coming from the bed area. Turning around, not being bothered to run to stop the intruder because they were obviously inexperienced, they saw a man with a cowboy hat jump in threw the second window. Without looking up, he placed a bag on the floor and began to trot towards Lara and Kurtis on an imaginary horse yelling "Captain Hobo to the rescue!" he looked up just then and froze. "LARSON?!" Lara exclaimed.

"Howdy. I'm Captain Hobo. And the fat arse over there is Old Fart the second." he galloped over to the window, neighing and pretending to be a horse while he grabbed the legs of 'Old Fart the second' and hauled him threw into the room. He landed with a thud and turned his gaze to Lara and Kurtis. "Hello, Ms Croft."

"Winston? I thought you were off in South America." she said. "With that cat." Kurtis hissed at the end.

"I'm sorry m'lady but my name is not Winston any more. It is Old Fart The Second!" he stood up in a proud stance, only coughing at the amount of volume he had used in his voice, making his throat dry up.

While Winston continued his coughing fit, Lara turned to Larson. "What are you doing in my house, again? And who's Old Fart the First?"

"Pierre, of course. But he didn't come back to claim his trophy of Old Fart properly." he sighed and shook his head, "Shame. And Auld'jin here thought he was too good for the (takes deep breath) Larson's-club-for-people-with-no-friends-when-we-act-like-babies-and-pretend-to-be-hobo's-" Larson couldn't finish his sentence as he collapsed to the ground from lack of oxygen.

"Why is my life never normal?" Lara asked to nobody in particular.

"I dunno. Maybe it's cause your crazy." Kurtis answered.

"I wasn't asking you." she exclaimed, turning back to the window.

"Where's Win-" she heard a soft snoring and turned back to face her bed where Larson and Winston were asleep. They couldn't have been asleep for long but were deep in their dreams. Larson was sucking his thumb and Winston looked although he was cuddling Larson for dear life. "that's it." she sighed and shoved the two 'hobo's' out of her bed. They just stayed on the floor. Anybody would have thought that they were dead if it wasn't for the fact that you could see their chests moving up and down when they inhaled and exhaled breaths. _Unfortunately_, Lara thought as Kurtis got in the bed beside her.

XXXXXX

The next morning came with the same weather as the night before. The loud sound of music from below was what woke Lara and Kurtis. Knowing exactly who it was, they both dragged themselves out of bed, Lara glancing at the clock. It was only half past three in the morning. Opening the door and storming out, Lara looked over the banister. Larson and Winston were hopping around the room to the music, pretending to be horses. When the song changed, they started dancing terribly. Winston did some disco dancing while Larson attempted to break dance. But instead broke almost everything in his reach. When Lara looked closer at the red packets strewn across the room, she gasped at how many rappers were lying on the ground. Skittles. What would end up killing Winston but what was his weakness. There were dozens of them, which would probably mean Winston dropping dead any minuet.

When she looked up, Kurtis was walking downstairs, his chirugai humming beside him. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and stomped his way towards the two dancers. "Winston! That's the second time this month we've caught ya eatin' these!" he shouted over the music, holding up a Skittles rapper. "And look how many! You'll drop dead any minuet."

But Winston just ignored him and began jumping around the living room, only stopping to catch his breath every few seconds. "What's your excuse?" he said, now looking at the still dancing Larson. "What do you (hiccup) mean?"

"You're wasted mate." he walked over to him and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, Larson leaning onto him. Larson, being incredibly drunk, thought that this was funny_ Wasted rhymes with tasted-funny_ and started laughing uncontrollably. "What (hiccup) does (burp) wasted mean? Is it like (hiccup, burp) like tasted?" and then he began laughing again. "Yeah. You keep laughin'" Kurtis began to drag Larson towards the front door. "Can I tell you a secret?" Larson whispered to Kurtis. "What?" Kurtis sighed and leaned in to listen. "I'm drunk." he whispered and with that, Kurtis flung him out the door. "never." he gasped mockingly.

He turned back to face Winston, but noticed he wasn't there. He looked up at Lara, "In the pool room." she sighed and began to walk downstairs. When she reached the bottom step, there was a loud scream coming from the pool room. They both ran towards it, hoping to god that Winston hadn't killed himself or anybody that was unfortunate enough to be there.

When they entered, they arrived just in time to see a naked Winston dive into the swimming pool. How many skittles had he actually had? Lara had seen him have twenty packets once at a party and he had never acted anywhere near this. Lara peered into the swimming pool but turned away and covered her eyes with her hand. Winston was swimming in the pool on his back. Not a pretty sight.

"Winston! Get some clothes on, mate!" Kurtis said as Winston exited the pool and he flung a towel at the naked butler.

"I LOVE skittles Mr Trent. Captain Hobo was kind enough to buy me two boxes last night before we came here." he wrapped the towel around his waist, still revealing the fat of his stomach and the white hair on his chest.

"Two BOXES?! They have like fifty packets a box!"

"I know." and then, like the first time Kurtis had encountered Winston high on Skittles, Winston sniffed his fingers before running around the pool room, screaming menacingly. Unfortunately, his towel dropped again as he passed Lara and Kurtis.

Leaving Winston to live in his own world, Lara and Kurtis began to head back upstairs when Larson burst in the front door dressed like a pirate. "Har me'harties" he growled while falling flat on his face. "Today is (hiccup) pirate day, and (burp, hiccup) I am here to rob ye treasures." he said threw the floor, before he got up and started heading for the pool room. Waving at Winston who was still running around like a maniac, he went around the diving board and pressed the switch that opened a secret doorway with a second switch. He began to run but fell numerous times and eventually fell into the pool. He then began to pretend to be a mermaid.

Sighing, Lara and Kurtis left once again, trying there best to get some sleep before they died of exhaustion.

XXXXXX

Surprisingly, Lara had awoken early the next morning. After showering, she ventured downstairs and was met by a hung-over Larson lying face flat on the floor, moaning. "that's what you get, Larson."

"Har, but it, har, was, har, not me, har, me wee lass. It was, har, the, har, Old Fart the second, har, who forced me, har, to drink me sorrows, har." he replied.

"Why are you talking like that?" she sat down on the settee and switched the television on, leaving Larson lying. "It's pirate day, har, me wee lass."

"OK. And did Winston force your mouth open and shove the vodka down your throat?"

"No." he paused. "Erm, har, I mean no, har, me lass."

"Stop calling me that." she got up and walked to the kitchen to get Larson some aspirin and water. When she came back, Larson was sword-fighting with thin air. She sighed and placed the aspirin on the table and decided to look for Winston. She decided to look in the pool room. That had been the last place she had seen him.

Lara opened the door and closed her eyes again. Winston was still running around the swimming pool, naked. "Winston-" she was stopped as screams filled the whole house.

"MY COMPUTERS GOT A VIRUS! MY BEST COMPUTER!!!" Zip screamed.

"WHERE'S THE NOTES ON AVALON!!!" Alistair shouted from upstairs.

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!" Winston screamed in front of her.

"HAR ME'HARTIES. TAKE THIS!" Larson shouted

"HE DIDN'T GET RID OF THAT BLOODY CAT! IT'S SPRAYED ME AGAIN! IT'S STILL ALIVE!!!" Kurtis screamed from the landing.

This was going to be a long day.

**AN: So, I brought the cat back. It might not be used, but it's still there.**

**I'll have chapter 7 up on Sunday.**

**Please review!**

**Nikitaxx**


	7. Baby babysitters

Baby babysitters

**AN : Again, sorry for the late update. There shouldn't be any problems now, my chargers been fixed and I don't have to share one with my sister. **

**Quick thanks to Lime-Frog and ExtremeRainbowRaiderPrincess (again) for the reviews. **

**Disclaimer: I only own Freya and Kiera. Not Lara, Kurtis, Winston, Alistair, Zip or Larson.**

"Yes. Of course. I look forward to seeing them. Take care" Winston slammed the phone down. His niece had phoned, asking if he could look after her two young daughters. She wasn't in a fit state to look after her children: had recently been in hospital having cancer removed, but it's not like Winston was. Looking after two children was the last thing he could do. Unless...

Right on cue, Lara entered the kitchen and sat down at the table. Winston opened his mouth to speak, but, as if reading his mind, Lara snapped her head up in his direction, "No."

"You don't even know what I'm going to ask" Winston protested.

"The only time I've heard you end a phone conversation like that was when the terrible twosome came over."

Winston sighed. He couldn't blame her, she was right. The last time they had come, Freya and Kiera had had him, Zip, Alistair and Lara running all over the manor. But then again, they were only small. Six and two aren't the easiest of ages to deal with. And it had been seven years. They may have grown more mature. And then they had Kurtis. He was just a big child at heart. Could help them work out their next move before they strike. It seemed although they could use this. If Winston compared the two girls to Kurtis hoping that they would become mature in seven years, he would have to ask himself: Since Kurtis was five years old, has he become mature? And the simple answer to that. No.

"Their older Lara. And I've already told Maxine they could stay."

"Yes, Winston, I know. You can't take your promises back. I'm not as young as I used to be though"

"Lara, you're 35. Not 80 like me. And plus we have Mr Trent. He loves doing childish things"

"You have a point there. Where is he anyway?"

"Zip and him decided to go tease Alistair. Something about wedgies."

"You can't give a grown man a wedge." Lara chuckled.

As if on cue, Alistair ran past the kitchen window, screaming, with his underwear over his head. After him, Kurtis and Zip walked past, laughing and high fiving at their achievement. "Apparently you can." Winston chuckled, but stopped when he saw Lara's glare. Taking care of a teenager and a second child was the last thing she needed. She had a 80 year old butler with a strange addiction to Skittles, a bookworm who isn't there half the time, day-dreaming about his 'true love'. A computer nerd, that instead of checking the security, goggled at the 'babes' in Duke Nuekem. A Demon hunting physic that was sometimes a little TOO childish and a 'hobo' that visited often, claiming he was a pirate, to worry about. Let alone two more things. But if Winston was going to be responsible for this, she may as well use it to an advantage.

She sighed, "Fine," he had won this round.

"Thank-you, Ms Croft. You won't regret this."

"I doubt it" she let Winston go to prepare two guest rooms while Alistair entered the kitchen. "Lara! Lara! Help!" he flailed his arms around, searching for Lara.

"I'm here, hang on." She went over to the cutlery drawer to get a pair of scissor. She snipped at his pants pulled over his head, "What happened?"

"Kurtis and Zip are bullying me" he sighed, "They are really horrible"

"They're just having fun Alistair." She finally managed to cut the underwear off his head. Just as she put the scissors back in the drawer, there was a knock at the door. _They were awful quick_, she thought as she watched Winston answer the door.

"Freya! Kiera!" he smiled "Look at you all grown up!"

The older of the girls smiled back at him. "Nice to see you too, Uncle Winston." she tightened the bobble on in her dark brown hair. She was the spitting image of her father. Her dark hair and dark eyes complimented the her face. Winston's eyes wandered to the smaller figure by her side. She looked fed up and was slumped against the wall. She had thick auburn hair, neatly brushed back into a ponytail and bright green eyes. "Hello Kiera"

"Yeah, hi" and she brushed past her sister and uncle into the house. Wasn't it usually the teenagers that were moody? Freya had seemed to skip that step in growing up and dumped a package load on Kiera. "Sorry about her. She's just an ungrateful, spoilt, brat." she said loud enough so her sister could hear. Even after all these years, the pair still went out of each others way to irritate one another. _Ah, sisterly love_, Winston thought to himself.

Leading Freya into the mansion, he noticed a scream coming from the library. Lara rushed out of the kitchen, waving a quick hello to Freya and then jogging up the stairs and entering the library. Alistair was staring at his laptop, his eyes widened, eyebrows reaching the ceiling and jaw dropping with horror. "My...they...the...my...ZIP! KURTIS!!!" he began to stutter but shot up from his seat with rage.

"Alistair, what's wrong?"

"They've deleted my information on all of the ancient Mayan culture. Every excess information on Avalon, where they originally created their culture...everything!"

"How do you know it was them?"

He turned the laptop around to face her. It was an obvious clue, Duke Nuekem was still running. Zip was a computer genius, surly he would have thought it through.

"This is the last straw" he began to walk out of the room, fists clenched, but Lara stood in front of him, blocking his path with her arms folded over her chest. "Freya and Kiera are here. I would appreciate it if there were no violent conflicts during their stay."

"THEM being here is the last thing I need. How am I supposed to get all the information back?!"

"You'll work it out" she was tired of playing peace-keeper.

Lara exited the room to see Winston guiding their two guests to their rooms. Freya departed into one of the guest rooms while Kiera walked towards Lara. A sudden look of happiness crossed Kiera's face along with a smile and she ran up to Lara, hugging her tightly.

Lara was taken aback but wrapped her arms around the young girl. "Hello Kiera, I take it you still remember me?"

Kiera pulled back and nodded her head, "How could I forget you?" and then brushed pat her and entered her own bedroom for the stay.

* * *

Zip and Kurtis were happily playing a game of penalty football outside in the garden. They had tired from bullying Alistair and decided to have a kick about. They would switch over every-so-often, so each person got a shot in goals and on the field. Just as Kurtis was about to kick the ball in Zip's direction, a voice came from behind, causing him to kick the ball the wrong way.

"Can we play?" Freya asked while stepping off the patio and onto the grass, "We can play two on two. The first team to score, wins."

"And you are?" Kurtis asked.

"Winston's niece's. I'm Freya and that lumps Kiera."

"Hey!" Kiera defended herself.

"Oh, sorry, that square over there is Kiera."

"At least I'm not a blob"

Ignoring the girls bickering at each other, Kurtis continued, "Oh. Winston didn't say anythin' 'bout you comin' over."

"It was last minuet. Are we gonna have a game or not?"

"Don't worry, we'll go easy on you."

"Don't stress yourself" Kiera got into position in the goals and Freya stood opposite Kurtis, the ball between them. When Zip shouted 'go', she immediately kicked the ball from Kurtis' reach. He was startled by her reflexes, but went to tackle her. Her balance was almost perfect, but when she stumbled after kicking the ball to her right, Kurtis took this as an opportunity by knocking her to the side and taking the ball off of her.

Making it to the goals , he thrust his foot out and the ball soared towards Kiera.

Acting quickly, she jumped into the air and vollied it away from the net, towards her sister. Freya then kicked the ball into the air and headed the ball straight into the opposite goals, the ball whizzing past Zip's ear.

She turned around and smiled at her sister, something that was rarely seen. "I told you not to stress yourself"

"One more match" The match had ended a lot quicker than what he would have thought. An even if it was quick, he had hoped that Zip and him would have won. But then again, his speciality was Demon Hunting, not football.

"If you want to give us another chance to beat you then-" Freya began.

"No." Kiera shouted to the rest of the group from behind. "We won fair and square"

"Well, lets see you out of goals." Zip joined into the conversation.

"We said no." She had always had a short temper and she felt the anger rising in her, These guys weren't going to take no for an answer.

"Why? Are you scared we're gonna beat ya?" Zip teased.

"No. I know you'll lose. Just don't want you to suffer a heart attack while trying to beat us, that's all."

"You have an awful quick tounge for, what? A five year old?" Kurtis asked mockingly.

"Nine actually. One quick match. Then will you finally get off our backs?" Kiera asked.

"Fine."

Kiera nodded to Freya and she quickly rushed to the ball, shooting it into the goals. "Match over. How does it feel to lose to two girls. No, 13 and 9 year old girls."

"Shit, she's good." she heard Zip sigh.

"Watch your mouth." Lara said from the patio as she walked down onto the grass to join the others.

"Hey Lara." Kurtis said as he kissed her on the forehead, making her blush.

"Get a room." Kiera turned away

"They're happy, leave them alone." Freya defended Lara and Kurtis. Not that she wanted to see them get all smoochy, she just wanted to pick a fight against her little sister.

The pair had never gotten on with one another. People would be lucky if they went 15 minuets without an argument. Freya couldn't remember a time when she had gotten on with Kiera. It's not that she hated her, but what can she say? You can't pick you're family. A phrase Freya had learned as the story of her life.

"Make me."

"Don't worry, ginger, I will." She knew Kiera hated it when she called her ginger. Her hair didn't even look that colour. Just another tease Freya could use. She clenched a fist and began to storm over to Kiera , but Lara stood in front of her.

"Freya. Don't you dare. Now, did you bring anything else other than a short temper and raging hormones?"

As an answer, she walked past her, back into the house.

"Why does she hate me so much?" Kiera asked after her sister left the group.

"She's a young teenager, they're like that. I wouldn't worry too much about it."

* * *

Freya sat watching TV in the lounge. Lara sat opposite her, beside Alistair and Kurtis sat on the armchair.

A black cloaked figure suddenly dropped down from the banister upstairs and fell to the floor, searching for something Lara couldn't make out. She rolled her eyes. She didn't need to ask who the figure was. Today was Larson's 'Zoro' day. All morning he had been going around in a long black cloak with a black cowboy hat, tilted slightly to the side with a white feather poking out the side. Above his top lip, there was a thin fake moustache, making him look older.

She sighed, "Larson."

"Yes?" he shot straight up from behind the settee, causing Freya to startle.

"What are you doing now?"

"Looking for my sword." he glanced around him, "Have you seen it anywhere?"

"No, we haven't. Have you looked in your toy box?"

"I have and it's not there."

"Well, it's your own fault for losing it."

"But it's not! Kurtis was the one who was last sword fighting with it."

"Larson, stop making things up" Kurtis lied. He knew how much Lara hated Larson's club and Kurtis supporting it wasn't helping.

"I'm not!"

"Larson, will you just shut up and go play the Three Musketeers with Zip and Alistair."

"But, Lara-"

"That is not shutting up Larson."

For an answer, Larson turned on his heel and ran up the stairs before once again jumping off the banister at the exact same place. Kurtis, Freya, Alistair and Lara all gave each other curious glances. Alistair nodded, "I've got this. Erm, Larson, what was the point of that?"

"There's a spider." he bit his finger nails.

"Oh my god! A spider! Where?!" Kurtis jumped up from his seat and stood on the armchair. Alistair, Lara and Freya just stared at him, chuckling lightly to themselves. Who would have thought? Kurtis Trent afraid of spiders. Well, considering Boaz, who could blame him. Only standing on a chair wasn't going to save him from something like that. "Erm, I mean...pft...a spider. I'll be y'know manly now and protect you. Don't worry." he sat back down but kept darting glances towards the floor around him, just in case the spider decided to pop it's head around a chair and scare the shit out of him. Just in case.

"Anyway," Lara began, "I was thinking of taking you girls somewhere. Where would you like to go?" She asked Freya.

"I dunno, my mum gave us some money, maybe we could go shopping?"

"Fine by me." she sighed but at Kurtis' amused face added mentally, _Say anything and you're dead_

"I thought it was Winston who was meant to be looking after the kids, not you Lara." Alistair said, having been silent for most of the conversation.

"Yes, but he can't look after two children in his age. Where is he?"

"Probably on-line ordering boxes of Skittles from the cash and carry." Kurtis said.

"He better not be!" Lara got up in search of her butler.

"What's your name anyway?" Freya asked Kurtis.

"Kurtis."

"And you're American." she said rather matter-of-factly.

"Yeah"

"Cool. Well. Not really. Just trying to find something to finish with."

"Cool."

* * *

"Take that" Larson stood on the spider he had been running away from. He was now in the Tech room. He had been strictly told to not go anywhere near that room. Well, Zip's exact words were 'Do not go anywhere fucking near my tech room or I will kick your mother fucking ass.' Charming. But Larson being Larson, didn't listen and went in there when ever Zip wasn't around.

Interesting, he hadn't seen this switch before. Temptation and curiosity flooded him as he reached a hand towards the button, but snatched it back. Lara and Kurtis had told him to NEVER touch any buttons/switches and/or levers in the manor. They always treated him like he was an idiot. Don't go here, don't go there, don't touch this, don't touch that, always hold Winston's hand while crossing the road. He didn't really understand the last one. So what? He had 'accidentally' ran out in front of the car when he 'accidentally' forgot to check the cost was clear while he was 'accidentally' pretending to be a fairy. OK, so the last one wasn't accidental, but the rest was. Or was it?. He had learnt his lesson. Wrong. He hadn't. Larson was still Larson and he didn't care what the others thought, nothing was going to stop him from pressing this button.

A part of the wall moved away, revealing a small, dark passage with a set of stairs. _Ooh, what's this?_ He thought as he checked around to make sure no one was looking and stepped forward before jumping back, "SSSSPPPIIDDEERRR!!!"

* * *

It was now 8 o'clock at night and Lara, Freya and Kiera had arrived home from their shopping trip. Only, Lara wouldn't really call it a shopping trip. Freya had bought a new sweatshirt, a new pair of trainers, a pair of jeans and Now 73. All the way back, the two sisters had been bickering over which song to put on, but thy settled for letting the tracks come as they played. Kiera had gotten a new bag with a pair of tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt. Lara didn't get anything. But, being the kind person that she is, bought Larson a new toy sword.

When they entered the house, it was deserted. Kurtis, Zip, Alistair, Winston or Larson were no where to be seen. Although Lara should have taken this as a blessing, she knew something would have to be wrong. It wasn't very often she got the house to herself (especially with Larson popping up now and again) and they couldn't have all just decided to all go out at the same time. Her suspicions were confirmed when she heard a crash come from down the hall.

As she entered the Tech room with the two girls behind her, Lara was stunned to see the place in a mess. Cabinets were knocked over and files were lying on the floor. A computer was over-turned and a laptop scattered across the floor, broken to pieces.

Lara looked up and saw Kurtis holding his Boran X, Larson holding a shotgun and Zip, Alistair and Winston holding either a small revolver or pistol. "What happened?"

"Spiders. BIG spiders." Kurtis answered for the rest of the group.

**AN: Any suggestions for the next chapter? Feel free to give me your ideas =)**

**I'll see you on Saturday anyway.**

**See ya then !!!**

**Nikitaxx**


	8. Rules

Rules

**AN: Yay, I updated on time for once!**

**Same as usual for the reviews, thank-you to ExtremeRainbowRaiderPrincess. And I give you a huge cuddle for the support! And just for you, here's the spider continuation.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lara, Larson, Kurtis...etc.**

"_What spiders?" Lara asked as she placed the shopping bags down on the ground. She hadn't looked at what they were standing in front of. But as soon as they moved to the side, she recognised it as the corridor that led to her grandfather's resting place. After the house had been re-built, she went under her manor a second time to search for an artefact that could control thralls like her mother. Once she had gotten out, it hadn't closed properly and Zip, Alistair, Kurtis and Lara found themselves fighting for their lives for months from the spiders that lay beneath the house. "the spiders that attacked us when you found that artefact." Zip answered._

"_And, let me guess who opened the chamber." she looked at Larson who whistled innocently and looked away from everyone else._

"_I thought I told you to stay away from this room?" Zip asked. He already knew the answer, he just wanted to make Larson fell even more guilty._

"_Well, I'm sorry, but when something calls to you, it's rude to ignore it." he crossed his arms over his chest and the white feather from his hat fell onto his face._

"_Walls can't speak Larson." Kurtis sighed. This guy was too stupid for his own good._

"_This one did." he pulled out his mobile phone and pressed a series of buttons before finally pressing the 'play' button. Everyone listened in shock as they heard voices 'Larson, Larson. Don't listen to them. Touch the button, touch it.' And then it stopped._

"_Who's to say he didn't record that himself?" Kiera said, stepping forward. "Kay, I don't really know who you are, so I'm not going to listen." Larson answered. _

"_Jackass." Kiera muttered under her breath. _

"_Larson, I don't know if I can keep you in my house any longer." Lara sighed._

"_Please Lara I'll- SPIDERS!!!" More spiders started to come threw the hole in the underground passageway. Kurtis quickly shot at them. "Will someone please close that door! Good God." Lara screamed. Winston went over to the button and battered it violently with the butt of his pistol. He continued like that for several seconds before finally pressing it. Nothing happened. "It doesn't work, Ms Croft."_

"_Winston, of course it doesn't work! You just battered it to pieces." Lara screamed again. This was giving her a headache. _

"_Oh, brilliant. Because of this twat I have to live with spiders crawlin' outa my ass!" Zip shouted. _

"_Please, Lara. Let me stay. I'll try my best not to mess up!" Larson pleaded, now on his hands and knees._

_Everyone in the room was now bickering. Zip complaining about having to replace everything in the Tech room, Kurtis shouting at Alistair, trying to teach him how to hold a gun, Winston talking to the button, _that man gets stranger everyday _Lara thought. And Freya and Kiera fighting over who gets the remote control for the TV. _

"_ALRIGHT!!!" she shouted. The room went silent. "Larson, you can stay. On one condition."_

It had been four days since the spider incident. Freya and Kiera had left the house the night before, their mother finally being released from hospital. Zip had bought a new button to replace the old one that had been so kindly battered by Winston and had finally managed to fend off the spiders.

Larson sat in the living room with sheets of papers in his lap. The one condition Lara had mentioned was what he was staring at. The page was titled "Rules". _ Lets see what she wants me to do_.

Rule 1

Don't touch any sharp objects. As if Larson would stab anyone. Well, it had happened before.

Rule 2

Do not touch any buttons/switches and levers in the house or in the grounds. Understandable.

Rule 3

Don't go anywhere near the Tech room.

Rule 4

Lara and Kurtis' bed is not a play pen. Do not leave your toys and costumes there.

Rule 5

Jumping off of the lights, banisters and balcony's is forbidden, unless you're Lara or Kurtis. That way, nobody will get flattened when you decide to cheat at hide and seek. OK, so that had happened one time. He accidentally jumped down and flattened Angel. It was an honest mistake. But nobody seemed to care. He HAD done them a favour.

He scanned down the page. If he read all this, it was going to take him forever. _Maybe I'll just skip to the end_ he thought and looked at the end of the page.

Rule 213

Do not, under any circumstances buy Winston skittles.

213 rules! This woman was clearly crazy. But then again, compared to Larson, Lara was completely sane. Kurtis entered the room, just putting away his lighter and cigarette packet. "Finished the rules list yet?" he asked as he sat next to him.

"Yeah, just finished them."

"All 510 of them?"he raised an eyebrow at him.

"510!!! C'mon, I know I can be a handful, but she's gotta cut me some slack here."

"I'm with her. I'm absolutely certain you're gonna kill one of us one day." he got up and walked upstairs.

"Yeah, like that's gonna happen." he rolled his eyes. It was time to get started on the rules.

Hours past before Larson had finally finished the rules. Mainly because he was asleep. His head wad on the floor and his legs on the top of the settee. As Lara walked in, she sighed. He couldn't even do this right. But, she could have some fun at this. She quickly but silently went upstairs and into her bedroom where she found Kurtis asleep with a book on his head, on top of their bed. It was only 18:30. She didn't understand why everyone was so tired. She went into the en-suite bathroom and pulled some red lipstick out of the drawer along with some foundation, blusher and eyeshadow. She didn't even remember buying all this make-up. She hardly used any. She could always just give it to Larson for when he pretended to be a mermaid or princess or something.

She went back downstairs and was happy to see Zip and Alistair sitting on the settee across from Larson. At least she had a crowd to entertain.

They looked up at her as she kneeled down beside Larson. She pulled the foundation out and squeezed some onto her fingertips and then rubbed some on Larson's face. Zip, instantly knew what she was doing and chuckled while Alistair just turned away, watching TV. Next, she lightly brushed some blusher onto his cheeks and then brushed some eyeshadow onto his eyes. She pulled the lid off of the lipstick and smothered it over his lips. Next, she went to a box next to the stairs, which had various things in it. She pulled out a rubber spider and placed it on top of Larson's face. Now all she needed to do was wait for him to wake up.

Two hours later saw Lara asleep next to Larson on the couch. A sudden scream woke her up and her eyes opened to see Larson running frantically around the coffee table. Obviously, her plan had worked. "What is it?" she tried to keep a straight face.

"Spider!" he screamed and began to run around the whole space.

"What the hell is he screaming about now?" Kurtis asked from upstairs, but after he took his hand away from his eyes, laughed at Larson's face. His lips were covered in red lipstick, eyes in purple eyeshadow, his cheeks bright pink from blush and his face plastered in foundation. He looked like he should be in a circus.

"Spider!" Larson screamed again.

"It's rubber, Larson. That's what you get for not reading all the rules!" Lara laughed as Larson looked at her strangely.

"I did read all the rules!"

"Oh, really, what was rule number 10?"

"Erm. Don't eat your hair?"

"No. Although, if I did put that down, maybe Winston wouldn't be stuck cleaning up hairballs all day long."

"That was Angel." Larson lied.

"Satan!" Kurtis corrected him.

"That's it, I'm tired. It's twenty five to nine, and you have driven me to go to bed." she walked upstairs and entered the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her.

"What was number 10?" Kurtis asked Larson while leaning against the banister.

"Em...number 10 is... oh, don't wear my make-up. But I didn't do that." he looked up at Kurtis who laughed.

"Look in the mirror."

Larson went over to the mirror and screamed, "clown!!"

"Larson, it's you."

"Oh. Well. I'm quite attractive like this, aren't I?"

"Erm. No."

"How very dare you!" Larson walked out and slammed the kitchen door behind him. "I bet you five pounds I'm deaf by tomorrow morning." he said to Zip as he entered the hall.

"Ten."

"It's a deal."

XXXX

Larson skipped outside the next morning, still wearing the make-up Lara had put on. Today he decided to be a singer. And to go with it, a nice round of music. He started to rap and sing a song by Keri Hilson, Kanye West and Ne-yo.

"_Keep rockin' and keep knockin'_

_whether you're Louboutin it up or Reebok'n_

_You see that hate that they servin' on a platter_

_So what we gonna have?_

_Dessert or disaster?" _

He rapped. He started to swagger, trying to act cool. On some boys, it made them look cool, but on Larson, it was just plain creepy.

Winston came out carrying a tray of tea. He walked up to Larson and checked left and right to make sure no one was looking, "Mr Conway, I have a special surprise for myself." he lifted up a silver platter to reveal a packet of skittles. "Do you mind accidentally shoving them down my throat."

Larson hesitated. One of the rules said to never give Winston skittles. And if Larson wanted to stay in that house, he should follow them. "I don't know. Lara said not to."

"But Lara was even giving me some while she wrote those rules" Winston lied.

"Oh, well, if Lara did it, I suppose it will be OK." he opened the packet and fed them to Winston, then once he was away, continued to sing, this time the Keri Hilson part of the song:

"_I never thought I'd be in love like this,_

_When I look at you, my mind goes on a trip,_

_Then you came in and knocked me on my face, _

_Feels like I'm in a race, but I already won first place"_

Winston was happy with himself, he had got what he wanted, although, he should listen to everyone else when they said that skittles were going to be the death of him. _Ah, who cares? So I'll die in one year instead of two , it's all the same to me_. He thought.

Whenever Winston had eaten skittles, the effect was almost immediate. And as soon as he entered the house, Lara could tell he had eaten them. "Show me your tounge." she demanded.

He stuck it out and it was multicoloured from all the fruity sweets. "Did Larson give you these?"

He nodded. "He has no control" she had to admit. She would have thought he would have lasted longer than a day. When she went outside, he had finished 'Knock me down' and had now started in 'Baa baa black sheep'

"_Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?_

_Yes sir, yes sir three bags full."_

"Larson!"

"Yes?"

"You know exactly what!"

"No I don't"

"Yes you do!"

"Wait, who are we talking about?"

"You gave Winston skittles!"

"He said, you gave him some!"

"I didn't and you shouldn't be so gullible!" she marched back into the house

XXXX

"Lara, I am so sorry." Larson said as he entered the living room.

"What, you haven't farted have you?" she covered her nose.

"No. It's just, I was kinda playing with my fairy castle and threw it out the window."

"It doesn't matter Larson, I should have never expected so high of you." she sighed, "anyway, do you want to come see the new tiles in the pool room?"

He nodded and followed her into the pool room where Kurtis was already sitting with Zip and Alistair. Larson walked behind the diving board and Lara pointed to the tiles in the pool. But Larson was focused on other things. In front of him was a button. And it was calling to him 'Larson, Larson. Push the button, push it'.

"Must push button." he was stuck in a trance. Lara, Kurtis, Zip and Alistair looked up at Larson as he reached his hand out to press the button.

"NOOOO!!!" they all screamed.

The thing was, Zip had changed the location of the new button that opened the wall to underneath the manor. He had put the button for the artefact room in the pool and the new button on the diving board. They were stuck with the spiders...again.

AN: Poor Larson, he cant do anything right. =(

I'll see you on Wednesday for the next update!

Nikita


	9. Zip and the virus

Zip and the virus

**AN: I actually don't have anything to say for once**

**Disclaimer: C'mon people. If I owned Tomb Raider, do you think I would still be writing like this?**

Zip sat staring at his computer, open mouthed. He was in the middle of playing the last level of Duke Nuekem and a pop-up 'popped-up' on the screen saying he had a virus. Him, have a virus. That was highly impossible. But true all the same. His computer had shut down in order to protect his files. But, he could fix the virus easily. It was the fact that he had been tapping away at the keyboard for hours, trying to complete the game, and now that he had finally managed to get to the last level, he felt like he had achieved something. Fat chance. A virus just had to pop up and make his computer black-out. All of his progress was lost. All of it. He would have to start all over again.

Kurtis walked into the room and Zip snapped his head up at him. "Hey...oh...shut your mouth, you could catch flies with that thing." he sat down opposite him, handing him a beer.

"My...the game...virus." he slumped back in his chair.

"I'm sorry what?"

"THE BLOODY VIRUS HAS LOST MY POINT IN THE GAME!!!"

"Woah, it's just a game. Calm down."

"I will not!"

"Shouldn't you be worrying about your computer, not the game?"

"I can fix that easily."

"So what's the problem?"

"The problem is, is that I was slaving over that game, just for all my progress to be wiped away from the face of the earth!"

"And?"

As an answer, Zip threw the game box at Kurtis and instructed him to look at the back. "Yeah, so?" Kurtis asked.

"Look at them. Why would you not want to spend hours staring at them?"

"They're computer-generated girls. They don't interest me." But, frankly, he was one to talk, seen as he was computer-generated and currently dating a computer-generated girl.

"Oh, if you say so." Zip replied, being sarcastic.

Winston entered the tech room from being in the garden, "What's up, Zippo and Kurty. What's happnin' in the coolio department?"

_That man gets stranger everyday._ Kurtis thought. "Erm, well, nothin' 'coolio' at the moment. And Winston, where exactly did you learn to talk like that?"

"Larson." Zip guessed.

"Woah, dude. You are like totally em, hipster in the brain department." Winston said again. Why was he suddenly talking like this? If he thought it would make him cooler, it wasn't working.

"Winston, did he tell you to talk like this or not?"

"Yes, Zippo, he didly dido did."

"My name's not Zippo."

"OK, dokey. Zipathina, if y'know, think it's erm chillin' to be called Zipathina instead of Zippo, then that's y'know happnin' with me."

"Winston, do you even know what exactly you're sayin'?" Kurtis asked, standing up.

"No."

"OK. Well, generally when people talk, they tend to know what they say, so, y'know keep talking in a language you understand."

"But, Mr Trent. My friend is from Scotland, and he uses words that I don't understand."

"Winston. That's his accent. And just because he uses different abbreviations, doesn't mean he speaks in a different language."

"If you say so. Anyway, I've got to go and be hip and I would stay and chat, my little chums, but I have a rather important date with a pillow." and then he walked upstairs.

"That man is really strange. How could he not understand a Scottish accent?"

"He's getting old, his hearing's getting strained." Zip answered, taking a sip of his beer.

"Yeah, but I dated a Scottish girl once. She used words like 'hink' and 'puss' and 'hing' and 'aye' and 'dinny' and 'nut' and 'ken' and..."

"Let me stop you there, Kurty. I'm not going threw a Scottish history lesson with you."

"If you want. I managed to translate the words though, in the end. Shame she told me to 'shut my puss because she didny want to hear any more crap coming oot ei it' and to 'stick my head up my own arse or she'll do it for me unless I'm too stupid to ken what an arse is' and then she started saying other crap I didn't pay attention to."

"Ah, you gotta love the Scots."

XXXX

Lara hit punch after punch at the punching bag. The reason she was being so forceful was because Larson's face was printed on every angel of the bag. Shame it didn't bruise or cut when you hit it. But, she couldn't really hit the real thing, so this would have to do.

Larson was in the corner of the room, inside a square sectioned off from the rest of the room. This is where he went when he had broken a rule. Alistair had told Lara to not treat him like a child, but Larson WAS a child. Maybe not physically, but definitely mentally. When he was placed in the square, he wasn't aloud out until he had spent the number of the rule worth in minuets. He had broken rule number 1 by stabbing Lara in the arm with a pencil. It wasn't the sharpest of objects, but when he had sharpened it non-stop for half an hour, it was quite sharp. And, because one minuet wasn't enough, she multiplied it by ten, so he would spend ten minuets in the square.

He was only in the section for three minuets, and was already moaning. "Lara, I didn't mean it. Let me out."

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"Please."

"Larson for god's sake-"

She was cut of by Zip's screaming "Yes, it's back on!" He had managed to fix the virus on his computer, now was the big moment- to see whether the game had saved automatically. Lara walked threw to the tech room, leaving Larson sulking in the gym.

"What's back on?"

"My computer got a virus. Now I just need to see..." he clicked a series of buttons to load up the Duke Nuekem game he had been playing. "NO!!!" he dropped to the floor and began to rock back and forth.

"What's the matter?"

"My game wasn't saved! I have to start from level 1."

"Well, was it not a bit daft to not save it after each level?"

"Shut up Croft. You're just putting me down more!"

"Zip, you seem to be forgetting who has the guns here." she picked up one of her guns from it's holsters and waved it around.

"You don't say? I hadn't noticed. Guess I was put off from all the shooting you do with them." he said. The sarcasm in his voice was like the venom in a snake. It would sink into anyone who dare get close enough.

"I can't handle this, I've got to get back to Goldilocks." she returned to the gym, leaving Zip mourning over his games death. He got back to his feet, quickly walked into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and many high sugared sweeties and got back to his seat, before loading up the game again. He was going to get to that last level. Whether he had to spend all night doing it or fill up on high levels of caffeine to do it, he didn't care. He was going to finish that game. Even if it was the last thing he did.

XXXX

Larson was out of his cage and released in the wild. He was skipping threw the manor, heading towards the Tech room – breaking another rule. "Hey Zippo."

"It's Zipathina, and aren't you breaking a rule?" he didn't take his eyes off of the computer screen.

"Yes, but you won't notice. Your too filled up on caffeine to notice anything." he walked over to the stereo, pulling out a CD he had stolen from Kurtis' collection. So, in the matter of three minuets, he had broken three rules: Going near the Tech room, touching someone else's possessions and going into Lara and Kurtis' bedroom. But it didn't make a difference to Larson. He didn't even know why Lara went to the trouble of making the rules if Larson was only going to break them.

"Notice what? I know you're here, that's a big enough warning to stay alert." he rapidly hit the keyboard.

"True." he bent down and pulled a plug out of a socket and put the plug for the stereo in. Which, was breaking rule number 457: Don't touch any plugs.

"NOOOOO!!!" Zip screamed.

"What?" Larson was alert now.

"You." Zip said from gritted teeth. He turned around to face Larson. He looked terrible: bags under his eyes, his face flushed.

"What?" Larson asked again as Zip started to walk towards him.

Larson backed up and Lara came running in from the kitchen. "What is it?"

"He pulled the plug on my computer!"

"So, Larson, how many rules have you broken in the last five minuets?" she asked Larson. She turned to Zip, "And? It will just start up and resume."

"No, Lara. That's what happens when the battery of a laptop dies. HE PULLED THE PLUG! ALL OF MY PROGRESS IS LOST!!!"

"For the last time Zip, SAVE THE GAME!" Lara had had enough.

**AN: I'm not sire when I'll next update – I'm going on a short holiday, and I'll probably not have internet access, but I'll try to update either Monday or Tuesday, but I'm not promising anything.**

**Nikita**


	10. Chocolates

Chocolate

**AN: Home again, home again, jiggity jig. Here's another chapter up for your viewing. **

**Disclaimer**

**Me- Can I buy Tomb Raider?**

**Lara- No**

**Me- What about Kurtis?**

**Lara- He's mine**

**Me- Fine. Be greedy. I'll get my own back. Someday.**

Alistair stared dreamily at the box of Cadbury's Roses in front of him. After working so hard on studying about Avalon, he had bought himself a box of chocolates. But there was one problem: once Alistair started eating chocolate, it was hard for him to stop.

As a child, he had been bullied for being smart, which led him to comfort eat (stuffing his face with chocolates like there was no tomorrow), which led to more bullying. Chocolate was his only weakness apart from books and tea. As he grew older, he decided enough was enough and swapped his chocolate bunnies for a vegetable farm (the cauliflower sheep were his favourite), fruit juice instead of fizzy drinks such as Irn-Bru and Coca Cola and swapped his reading time for, well, reading times. Some things you can't change.

Now he was facing his demons again. It felt as if the box was calling to him. But if he opened that box, all the memories would come back and he would be 'Fat Arse Al' again. He didn't understand the nickname. Sure, he was fat, but all the weight went to his tummy and face. He had five double chins as a child and his parents often remarked to him looking like a chipmunk.

The braces didn't help either. When they were taken out, he was left with buck teeth. The effect the braces were meant to give was completely the opposite of what he was left with. Or should he say 'cursed' with. Teeth sticking out of his face at all times. When it came to his first kiss, he almost poked the poor souls eyes out.

He couldn't help it. They were willing him to come and eat him. He knew he had reached a bad stage: He was hallucinating. By now, the box had formed a pair of eyes, a mouth, a nose the size of a pelicans beak, a moustache and a mono brow. "Hey, you" it snapped in an American accent.

"Who? Me?" Alistair pointed to himself while looking around the room. As if it wasn't half obvious.

"Whodya think I'm talkin' to. You, chipmunk." he began to chew on some gum. How a cardboard box could do this, Alistair would never know.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Eat one. Y'know you want to. Just peel off that cellotape, open the box, and eat your worries away. What do ya want? Golden Barrel? Strawberry dream? I've got loads of them."

"Erm...I'm not sure which one I want." Now he knew he was going mad: he was talking to cardboard. Not the sanest thing to do. He had often talked to the occasional hardback about the plot of a story, but this was talking to a box about chocolates.

He reached into the box and pulled out a Swiss caramel. His favourite. He unwrapped the wrapper and popped the chocolate into his mouth. As he chewed, the caramel came out of the chocolate shell. He swallowed and closed his eyes. His weakness was coming back to him.

When he opened his eyes, there were wrappers surrounding his desk, the box face-less and his mouth covered in chocolate. _Oops_ he thought.

He got up and cleared the mess into the bin. He then went to his bedroom to clean his face. He had always been like that: Eat with his face instead of his mouth.

After that, he went downstairs to find a moaning Larson and a fed-up looking Lara. "Larson, no."

"One more time, Lara, please."

"Fine." she took a coin out of her pocket and flipped it up in the air. "Sorry, it's tails. I win."

"Well, who cares about the coin, please."

"NO."

"What is it?" Alistair asked, trying to hide the symptoms of his sweet tooth. There were always three: He would try to talk and it would come out either stuttered or fast and blurry, he would walk and trip over and the worst of all, he would usually be unconscious. After eating chocolates for years on end, he was diagnosed with diabetes. Another reason why he lost the weight.

"Larson wants a puppy."

"A puppy?"

"Yes and Lara won't let me get one. She said to do a fair coin toss. Tails she wins, heads I lose. But, I sucked at that."

"You're not getting one." she got up and exited the room.

"Wait a minuet." Larson said. Alistair hoped that he had realised what he had just been stupid to do.

"Yes?"

"I forgot to give the chocolates to Zip. Oh well."

"Wait, what chocolates?" even thought Larson hadn't realised his mistake, the mention of chocolates brought Alistair from any other thoughts.

"The Cadbury's Hero's I bought as a thank-you for not loosing is nut at me when I 'trespassed'."

"But he did lose his nut at you."

"Fine. I bought the chocolates for myself and told th others they were for him. Happy now?"

"Well, why don't you just eat them?"

"I don't like chocolate"

"Why did you buy them then?"

"What is this? 20 questions? Here take them." he threw Alistair the box of chocolates and exited the room, going to cause havoc elsewhere.

Almost immediately, Alistair ripped the box open and began to eat away at his desires.

In the end, he turned out exactly the way he had been before. Covered in chocolate and almost collapsing from the amount of food he had just consumed.

Lara and Kurtis had been away at Asda, getting food that the group so desperately needed. When they arrived home, they found Alistair lying on the ground with a flattened box of paper covering his face. "Alistair?" Lara asked.

A groan was what she got for a reply. "Are you OK?" she asked.

"Stuffed." he said.

"Erm, well, I got some Mars Bars for you. I know they're your favourite."

Alistair shot up at the sound of more chocolate. He rushed over to Lara and Kurtis and grabbed the bags off of them, searching threw all of them for the group of chocolate bars. One he found them, he looked up at Lara and Kurtis, smiled menacingly at them and then ran upstairs to the library to stuff his face with more chocolate.

**AN: I'll see you on Friday for the next instalment. I shall not have a life any more, seen as I am heading back to school tomorrow. **

**I give virtual cookies to everyone who reviews and give you an extra batch if you are going back to school soon as well. **

**Nikita**


	11. This is war

This is war

**Read on my friends...**

"Yes! I win! You lose!" Zip shouted next to Kurtis, almost deafening him. He didn't need to shout so loud; Kurtis was sitting right next to him. They had been playing a race car game on the Play Station, and to be honest, Kurtis was absolutely terrible at it. For starts, Zip was an expert at it and before they played the game, was boasting that he knew every one of the cheats in the book for that game, which may have proved he was cheating against Kurtis and second, Kurtis had chose the track; a very crossy-turny one and a slow car.

He had given up. Ha got up and turned around to bump into Alistair who was standing directly behind him, watching the race. "Wow. Who was the blue car?" he asked, still dazing at the screen.

"Me." Kurtis sighed.

"Woah. You got beat. A lot." he smiled, amused.

"Like you could do any better." Kurtis challenged.

"Better than you, anyway."

"Watch it poof." Kurtis grabbed the collar of Alistair's shirt and pulled his face closer to his own.

"Calm down. You are such a bad loser."

"If you don't shut up right now, I swear, no man will ever want to look at you're face again." he raised a fist to Alistair.

"Kurtis. Calm down." Lara said from coming in from the gym. There was a lead behind her, and when Kurtis traced it, he found the other end wrapped around Larson's neck.

He released a deep breath and shook his shoulders. He turned to Lara after he had calmed down, "What's with the lead?" he nodded towards Larson who was panting.

"Today's his dog day." she sighed, "At all times one of us has to take him around the house like this, feed him threw a bowl and take him for walks and all that other idiotic stuff he's got in his head." she rubbed her eyes, getting frustrated at Larson. As usual.

"Kurtis got bet!" Alistair couldn't help himself from shouting into the conversation again.

Kurtis turned around and glared at Alistair before finally calming himself down. He exited the room, still feeling slightly angry at the 'poof' that had so kindly insulted him.

He went into his and Lara's bedroom, ready to have a shower. When he entered the bathroom, he immediately noticed that his aftershave and shampoo were missing. He went back out into the hall, leaning over the banister, "Alright, who took it?"

"Took what?" Lara looked up at him.

"God knows." he heard Alistair mutter.

"It was you wasn't it ?"

"Maybe." he lied. Alistair knew well enough that Kurtis' accusations were correct.

"Give them back." he demanded.

"No."

Kurtis stormed downstairs and into the kitchen, slamming the door behind him. That was it. This was war.

He thought back to what he could use against Alistair. Books, chocolate and tea. He wasn't that heartless to tear up his books, the chocolate he could eat – with the risk of being sick, Alistair had that much- but he had a plan for the tea. He would need Lara's help though.

He went back out into the living room, avoiding eye contact with Alistair at all costs. "Lara, can I speak...Don't touch that!" he finished his sentence when he saw Alistair handling his Chirugai. Alistair put it back down, placing his hands in the air in mocking defeat.

Lara got up and followed Kurtis into the kitchen. "What?" she asked.

"I need help, here take these." he handed her three tins of the flavoured tea Alistair owned. "Y'know," she looked at the labels on the tins, "Cranberry, strawberry and grapefruit don't really go."

He shoved her playfully and gave her another tin. "I'm getting' revenge."

"Oh, will you let it go. It's not like he threatened to kill you."

"Lara. He touched my Chirugai. If you know me but, at all, you know that I don't like anyone touching it."

"Yes, of course." she sighed and began to walk to the door of the room. "Where do you want these?"

"The pool room. Just leave them there, I'll sort out the rest."

Lara exited the room and headed towards the swimming pool. She placed the tins on the ground and looked up to see Kurtis entering the room. "Thanks." he poured the contents of the tins into the pool and began to stir them telepathically. "What are you doing?" she asked him.

"Oh, you'll see."

XXXX

Alistair entered the pool room on Lara's orders and stopped in his track. Kurtis was standing at the end of the pool, swaying side to side, waving a banner that read 'Boston tea party' on it. He looked down into the pool and saw all his tea in the pool along with the fancy china he had kept in case the Queen would come over. "You." he said threw gritted teeth.

"Yes?" Kurtis asked innocently.

"You bastard."

"Why, I don't know what you're talking about. Would you like a drink of tea?"

"Oh, that's how you want to play it, is it? Maybe it's time for a game of hide and seek." he turned around, exiting the room. _If it's a war you want, Kurtis, it's a war you'll get._

_You're forgetting I'm telepathic._ Kurtis added mentally into Alistair's head.

XXXX

"As I said – rather thought before, if you want a war, you'll get one Mr Trent." Alistair wiped his hands together and smiled at Zip as he entered the hall. "What have you done?" Zip asked.

"Oh, nothing. Just playing a little game with Kurtis."

"If you say so, I'm off to bed." he yawned and walked upstairs. Lara came threw the front door, looking sleepy and frustrated at the same time. She turned around and tugged on the rope that was in her hand. She pulled harder and harder, sighing eventually as Larson came threw the door on his lead. "Woof." he said – rather barked.

"Larson, get up!" Lara yanked on the lead again. Larson was too heavy for her to tug along, no matter how strong she was, he had put on a lot of weight in the past oh, 11, 12 years.

"Woof." was her reply. _That's it_ she thought. She let the material slip from her hands and it dropped to the floor. She stormed up to her bedroom, ready for a well earned sleep.

Kurtis came threw from the kitchen and narrowed his eyes at the mischievous looking Alistair. "What?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing."

Kurtis, thinking nothing was wrong, although he did have his suspicions, continued on his way upstairs to join Lara in his snug, warm bed. The thought of snuggling up to Lara in the comfy bed seemed pure bliss to him right now, he could just go up there and fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. His ass. He had worked out what Alistair meant by 'hide and seek'.

He turned around swiftly on his heels, facing Alistair who was still smiling smugly to himself. "Where is it?"

"Oh, brilliant. Another game of guess what Kurtis wants. Fantastic." his voice was smothered in sarcasm.

"You know what I'm talkin' about Poof."

"I prefer pansy to poof, it sounds better. Nice and sweet like the flower."

Kurtis had enough. "MY CHIRUGAI!!!" he blew up in Alistair's face.

"Well, you'll have to play the game to find out."

"You're forgetting I can control it with my mind."

"Oh, maybe, but that won't help you get it out of there." he smiled and walked away upstairs to join everyone else upstairs who was now heading off to sleep. Kurtis looked over the room and towards Larson who was lying in a dog basket. "What you lookin' at?!" he shouted at Larson.

"Woof." was the same, annoying reply he got.

XXXX

Kurtis had nearly given up. It was five to twelve at night and he had been trying to find his Chirugai for an hour. He had looked in every room in the house except one. The Artefact room. He would have to be quick to get there though. And he was too tired to do so.

He half dragged, half walked into the pool room and dove into the water, pressing the newly located button for the artefact room. Rushing out of the water, he sprinted into the hall and into the small room that had the lever to the actual artefact room in it. He tumble turned (being half asleep, he still thought he was in the water) and dashed across the hall and into the artefact room. He gazed around the room, trying to take in everything in close detail – he didn't want to miss any vital clues to the whereabouts of his Chirugai.

He saw it in a glass cabinet, similar to the ones which contained the Iris, the Dagger of Zian and the Golden Mask. He walked over to it, smiling as he looked for the keypad which he would use to type the code in to unlock the cabinet. Lara had given him, Zip and Alistair the code to it. Winston had once known the security code - not that he was quick enough to make it into the room – but Lara had Zip change it when Winston had regained his addiction to Skittles.

He searched frantically and he couldn't find any. But he did find one thing; a note, from Alistair. He ripped it off the glass and read threw it:

_So, you didn't notice that this is a new cabinet. The last time you were here, there were four and now there's five. But then again, how could I ask any more from the lovely Kurtis Trent?_

"THAT FUCKING SON OF A BITCH. SPASTIC. MONGO. PRICK. DICK. ARSEHOLE. BASTARD." he began to express every fowl word in his vocabulary on Alistair, "WINDOW LICKER, **POOF!!!**"

**AN: Right, I can't promise when I'll next update because I'm starting to run out of ideas, but fear not, I shall use that thing in my hollow skull called a brain (if I've got one) and think up new ideas for your viewing pleasure. **


	12. Indeed

Indeed

**AN: I have finally thought of something to write. **

**Right, there's a hidden part in this chapter that I took from Stargate SG1, see if you can spot it. (the clues in the title, being something Teal'c might say, although it isn't his catchphrase 'indeed', but you'll have to be a fan of the show to recognise the sentence)**

Larson skipped happily along the hall, down the stairs and into the kitchen, where Lara, Alistair, Zip and Winston were sitting. Today, it was erm, well, he didn't know what day it was today, he would just let it come to him as the day progressed. He stood in the middle of the doorway, counting how many fairytale characters he had been so far on his fingers. Now, lets see, there was the mermaid, cowboy, princess, pirate...

"Morning Twinkle toes." Alistair sat with a cup of coffee at the round dining table, Zip and Lara opposite him. In between them was a game of scrabble, Lara, being the person who had the best education out of the three of them, was winning by using her learnings to her disadvantage. Alistair was next and Zip, as usual when it came to using your brain in games, was in last place. He glanced up at Larson who was now at number eight or 'eh' as Larson called it on his counting scale. Winston was beside him, encouraging him to continue with his 'fantastic' counting skills. If you ask him, asking Larson to count to more than ten, was like asking a cat to bark. You couldn't.

It was now his turn and he looked at the letters in front of him. _Mmm..._ indow, findow, Window! He had worked out the word window from the not-so-word, indow. Why he wasn't winning, he would never know. He took a W from in front of him and placed it in front of the other letters. He smiled chuffly to himself as he looked up to see Kurtis entering the kitchen, making his smile immediately disappear. Kurtis walked past him and Alistair, thinking quickly, grabbed his cup of coffee and gulped it down, making the liquid burn in his throat.

Everyone looked at him strangely as he placed the cup down, showing no sign of any emotion. "Erm, wasn't that like, boiling hot?" Zip asked.

"Extremely."

"Five, four, three, two, one..." Lara counted, cocking her head to the side. As she finished, Alistair shot up of his seat, rushing over to the sink, turning the cold tap on and forcing his mouth open under it, not even allowing the water to become fresh.

"Exactly on queue." Lara smiled. It looked like it was her turn now. Kurtis, having been staring at Alistair the whole time, finally sat down with his own cup of coffee, next to Alistair's seat, not caring about his future protests. Lara scanned the board, looking for a word she could complete. Nothing seemed to be there. Suddenly, a crash came from behind them, and both Zip and Lara turned around to see a bowl fall to the ground from an open cupboard. Zip got up and placed it back, then returning to his seat. Lara looked at the board again, this time finding the letters 'ongo'.

She looked up at Kurtis who smiled at her, _Mongo. You're welcome._ He tilted his head back, motioning towards Larson. Lara chuckled, she didn't like cheating, or, Kurtis cheating for her, but he did have a point about Larson being one of them. Kurtis must have caused a distraction, then moved the words about to her advantage. She picked up a M, placing it down in front of the other letters. "What does that mean? I've never heard that before." Zip asked.

"Mongo. Window licker, idiot, stupid." Lara tried to explain, but Zip still didn't seem to be understanding. "Larson."

"Ah, oh, I get you." he nodded his head.

Larson continued to count, "Dolphin. Little Red Riding Hood. Mary Queen of Scots. Werewolf..."

"This is easy, Filoina." Zip leaned back in his chair, placing his hands behind his head.

"That isn't a word." Kurtis argued.

"Suck eggs!"

Kurtis looked at Zip, waiting for him to explain what that meant, "Suck eggs? What sort of comeback is that. It's like me saying to you, chop cucumber!" he shook his head.

"Suck eggs!"

"Zip, filoina isn't a word." Lara cut in.

"Suck eggs!"

"You say that one more time, I swear." Lara got up and balled her hands into fists.

She sat back down, and her eyes wandered to Alistair, who was making his way back from the sink. "It's your turn Al." Kurtis pointed out.

"I know that! Or would you like another game of hide and seek, Kurtis! I can hide a lot more!"

"Calm down."

"No." he stormed out of the room. Kurtis and Lara turned their attention to Zip, who had taken Lara's turn. "Hydrosaurikim." he smiled again.

_WTF?! _"Zip, you're making up words, that's cheating!" Lara shouted.

"Oh, but you're boyfriend can arrange the word 'mongo' and that's OK?" he also got up, exiting the room again.

Lara sighed and looked up to see Winston patting Larson on the head as he continued his list, "Queen Victoria. A fairy. Cinderella. Adolf Hitler."

Ah, the Adolf Hitler session. Lara remembered it so clearly. About two weeks ago, Winston had a request to visit a local primary school, where the primary sevens were studying World War two in history. Lara agreed to take him in and answer questions about any artefacts found that were dated back to WW2. Larson, decided to tag along, thinking it would be fun to talk to children who had more intelligence than him. Only, Larson tagged along, dressed completely inappropriate. He wore a brown short-haired wig, a fake moustache and a Nazi uniform. Winston gave his speech, Lara answered questions and Larson paraded up and down acting like Hitler. The head teacher had asked them to never return to the school. To Lara, Larson was just an embarrassment.

"Well done Larson, you're getting there, keep going."

"Oh, I almost forgot, I was that guy from that program. Y'know that man with that thing who lived there and he had one. Oh, you remember." Larson shouted.

"We honestly don't." Kurtis said.

"Yes you do! He was one of those, with that thing and he had a pet thing as well and that nickname and that face with those things!" he started to jump up and down.

"No we don't."

"Oh, help me out here! Remember, oh, what was it. Oh, that guy from that program."

"We've already been threw this, Larson."

"And he lived there."

Lara yawned, looking at the time. Jeez, this was even late for her. It was already half eleven. And everyone had been drinking coffee or tea for the past few days to make sure they would be on alert if Larson tried anything. She got up, yawned again, making Kurtis yawn, which made her yawn again, which made Winston yawn, which made Kurtis yawn which made Larson roar like a tiger. Why? Why did he always have to take things too far?

Kurtis got up with her and he yawned, "Don't start." Lara warned, making him chuckle.

Everyone headed upstairs, a part from Larson who was still counting and trying to work out who he had pretended to be. Winston had even grown bored of Larson's attempts and retired to bed.

Lara hoped into bed beside Kurtis and faced with her back to him. She felt his hand slide along her waist, reaching for her own hand and then entwine his fingers with her own. "Nighty night." he said before both of them closed their eyes.

_Five minuets later_

Larson burst threw Lara and Kurtis' bedroom door, making them scrunch their eyes at the sudden burst of light from the hall, "Oh, I remember. He was that guy from that program with that thing and that face with those things and he lived there and he was that and he worked with them and he had that nickname!"

**AN: In case you didn't know who I was referring to with Larson's brilliant skills at remembering things, it was Teal'c from Stargate. If Larson's sentence was translated into English, it would say:**

"**Oh, I remember him. He was Teal'c from Stargate with that symbiote (I think that's how you spell it) and that face with the marking and he lived at Stargate command and he was Jaffa and he worked with Jack, Daniel, Sam, Vala, Cameron...and Vala called him muscles." but, that's only if you couldn't translate it for yourself.**


	13. Eat You Up

**AN: Yes!!! I'm back with JRTRS!!! Ermmmm, yeaaaa, sorry for the lack of updates....I didn't have that many ideas. Anywayyyy...read on!**

* * *

Everyone of the inhabitants of Croft Manor – with the exception of Winston - were sitting in the living room, gathering to hear some "big thing," Larson had planned. Larson sat himself down on the coffee table, crossing his legs, earning a glare from Lara. "Get off of it, unless you want to be in it." she warned. Larson sighed, getting off of the coffee table. He placed the guitar he had in his hand down on the floor, crouching down to push the coffee table out of the way. "Argh, it won't move!" he cried, puffing as he pulled away. Kurtis sighed, kneeling down on the floor, looking at Larson as he attempted to "move" the table. He sighed again, looking up at Lara, raising an eyebrow before he leaned closer to Larson, and VERY slowly – as if he were talking to someone incredibly stupid; which, of course, he was, because it was Larson – he said, "Larson. It helps to actually push the table. What you're doing is miming. You can't push something when you're touching thin air."

Larson looked up at him, as if he were mad. Then, he chuckled, pointing a finger at him, "Haha, you almost had me going there." he laughed. "Oh for God's sake, I'm not hanging around this idiot." Zip said from the couch across from Lara, standing up. "No, don't go!" Larson cried, standing up to stop him. Zip sighed, rolling his eyes as he sat down again, "Right, so what's this all about, Larson?" Alister asked, the only person who could be bothered putting up with Larson's stupidity. "Well, today is today, right?"

"Does this have a point to it?" Lara asked in a dull tone.

"Well, I was thinking that since it isn't yesterday and it's not tomorrow, but it's still not a week in the future, and there's still a little while until a year from now, and, of course, last year has past...." he explained. "You were thinking that it's today?" Kurtis asked. "Exactly! See, this is a man of utter intelligence!" Larson suddenly jumped up and down. "Kurtis is no genius, Larson, he's far from it. We all know it's today, so what?" Lara groaned.

"What's the matter with you? Is it your time-of-the-month or something?" Kurtis shot back. "SILENCE!" Winston screamed from the front door. "Yes?" they all asked in synchronisation. "What?" Winston asked, biting his lip in curiosity. "You were the one who told us to shut up."

"Oh, well, I was just going to ask if someone could help me with these bags, that's all."

"Then why make a big fuss about it?" Zip asked. "Hmm, what?" Winston asked, dragging the shopping bags in. "Anyway...." Lara dragged everyone's attention back to Larson in the centre of the room, who was holding up an acoustic guitar. "Hello, can we get back to me?" he asked, bringing the guitar closer to him. "Of course, so what's this all – WINSTON CLOSE THAT DOOR!" Lara began to speak, but the freezing chill that came in from the open front door caught her off guard. "Oh, erm, sorry, what were you saying?" she turned her attention back to the group. "Well, seen as it's today -" Larson began.

"Don't start this, 'it's not yesterday because it's today' bull, Larson, or I'm out of here." Zip warned.

"I was going to say that since it's Children In Need, I thought I would do something special." he smiled cheerily. Kurtis immediately groaned, getting up, "I'm not having another nose picking contest, Larson, it's disgusting." he turned his nose up and shivered at the thought of the event that had taken place months ago. The "pick it, lick it, roll it, flick it," competition had turned his stomach upside-down and inside-out. "No, I was thinking of singing a song." he explained, sighing. "Oh, that's less...I want to say painful?"

"Just sing it." Alister said. "Well, it's a remix of a Bon Jovi song. So, I'll start." he cleared his throat. "Linda used to work on a plantation, Joe was just bummed, and they had no frieeeeeennnnnnndddddsss"

"Wait, can I just stop you. What has this got to do with a Bon Jovi song?" Lara asked, shoving Kurtis' knee away from hers.

"Nothing."

"Then why did you say it had something to do with a Bon Jovi song? You know what, it doesn't matter, just...make our ears bleed to death." she sighed, yet again shoving Kurtis' knee away from hers. They all looked down as a cat ran up to the group, sniffing at Larson's guitar case. Kurtis jumped up onto the settee "OH MY GOD, ANOTHER CAT! IT'S GOT A TWIN!" he screamed, ready to shove that cat out the door if it was anything like "Angel."

"Get that thing out of here, I am NOT having another devil in this house." he said, backing up a bit. But, he hadn't thought it through, because as he backed up, he also stepped off the settee, falling flat on his back. "No, you're not supposed to be here, little kitty." Larson said, picking the cat up. "LITTLE KITTY?! You get that thing out of here before it mates with Satan, and that would mean the end of the world!" they heard Kurtis scream from his fallen position behind the couch. "Oh for God's sake, shut up." Lara said, leaning over the settee to face him. "Oh my goodness." they heard Larson gasp. "This is my mother." he said, staring wide eyed at the cat. Kurtis shot up from behind the couch, jumping over it, "That is not your -" he landed flat on his face over the other side of the couch, preventing him from finishing his sentence. "Excuse me?" Alister asked, glancing back as Winston had finally made it to the kitchen door. "This is my mum." Larson smiled.

"And you worked this out....how?" Zip asked, leaning back in his chair. "Well, my guitar case is lined with orange felt....." everyone stared at him blankly, "My mother's favourite fish is orange ruffy....." once again, everyone looked at him as if he were mad, "Cats like fish! Hey mummy!" he pulled the cat up into his arms, twirling it around. "Woah, dude, Larson's mum's got a HUGE di-" Zip began, but Alister elbowed him in the ribs, stopping him. Kurtis forced himself from his squashed position on the floor, sitting back up beside Lara. "We are not keeping that thing. It could be worse than Satan, for all we know, and suffocate me in my sleep." Kurtis said.

"He's right, I'm not keeping that thing in my house." Lara said, shoving Kurtis' knees away from her, "Why do men always have to sit like that?! My legs could be as far away from you as possible, but you always find away to make our knees touch! Why do you need to do that?!" she screamed at Kurtis. He turned to face her, with a serious face on, and then said, "Ball space," before he turned back to the rest of the group. "BALL SPACE?! Kurtis, you have no balls! You need to grow a pair and become a man! You're a woose!"

"Excuse me?! Hello, who's the one that fought that bitch Boaz?! Psh, I need to grow a pair?! As if, you're just jealous that people notice me as a person more than they notice your big balloons on your chest there." he scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"BIG BALLOONS?! Your just jealous that people _want _to look at me!"

"Yeah, they all want to look at your body, never want to meet you as a person. 'Oh, Lara Croft – big boobs.'" he mimicked someone's voice, trying to patronise Lara. "You utter twat. That's what you are; a twat." she fumed.

"Oh, so I'm a twat now, am I? Y'know, you've got to admire you Englanders choice of language."

"SHUT IT, YANK!" she stood up. "Fine then, if you're going to be like that, I'll take my sexy knees somewhere else!" Kurtis shouted, also standing up. He turned around to walk upstairs, and stormed upstairs. "Em, awkward." Zip whispered to Alister.

Lara shook her shoulders, "I think we need a rest." she said. "YES! A rest, lets do that! I know, we can clean the house up!" she suddenly became excited. "That's not rest." Alister groaned. "WELL IT'S THE CLOSEST YOU'RE GOING TO GET!" she screamed. "My God, Lara, you can scream. Geez, a moment without Kurtis' sexy knees and you've went radge!"

"HE HAS NOT GOT SEXY KNEES!"

"Okay, okay, people, I'm fine with cleaning, but I think it would be good to sing as well." Larson smiled. "No!" they all snapped at him in synchronisation. "Hphm, fine then." he huffed. "Right, lets get cleaning, then." Lara sighed. "Yeah, you do that while I play with the cat. We can keep it, right?" Larson asked.

* * *

He hadn't been allowed to keep the cat. Everyone was now cleaning a room in Croft Manor. Lara and Kurtis had decided to work together without going on about, "having to grow a pair" or "big balloons" or "sexy knees". But something else was going on. Because of Larson, everyone was singing, but Lara and Kurtis were reluctant to do so.

Alister was in the kitchen, organising the cutlery, singing. "_Too much of anything can make you sick," _he looked down at a box of Cadbury's Roses, his demons haunting him, _"Even the good can be a curse," _he sighed, putting them away, continuing on with his song. "_Makes it hard to know which road to go down, knowing too much can get you hurt." _he started to dance along while he sang the lyrics to "Fight For This Love" by Cheryl Cole, "_Is it better, is it worse? Are we sitting in reverse? It's like we're just going backwards,_" he dried a cup off with the tea towel before he put it up into the cupboard in slot 32. He had given each mug a number so that if one went missing, he could be like, 'Where's number 26?'. _"We're driving fast but lets just slow down. What I don't wanna do is crash, no." _

He dropped one of his mugs to the floor, jumping around, swinging his hair around, _"We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love, we gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love." _he turned around again, picking up the broken pieces of the mug before he continued singing.

Zip was in the tech room, clearing up some old junk he had lying around. _"Wake up in the morning, feeling like P-Diddy, grab my glasses I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city."_ he began to sing and wiggle his hips as he shoved some old pieces of unimportant papers in the bucket. _"Before I leave brush my teeth with a bottle of jack, 'cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back."_ he bent down, picking up a plate with....something on it. _Hmm, what's this?_ He wondered as he continued to sing, "_I'm talkin' 'bout pedicures on our toes, toes. Trying on all our clothes, clothes. Boys blowin' up our phones, phones."_ he wiggled his hips again, twirling around. He loved this type of cleaning.

Larson was....in the huff. Lara was being a bitch – yet AGAIN – and wasn't letting him keep Barry-Bee-Benson. Yes, he had named the cat Barry-Bee-Benson. He sat slouched in a chair, huffing to nobody in particular every few seconds. And, he was bored. So, to ease his pain, he switched the radio on, listening as he heard what was going to be "Going Under" by Evanescence. He got up, huffing once again before he knelt down, picking up some sort of.....he wanted to say "hair"? Anyway....he picked it up, throwing it across the music room. "_Now I will tell you what I've done for you," _he sang along to Amy Lee on 'Galaxy's' radio station. _"Fifty thousand tears I've cried. Bleeding, deceiving and screaming for you; and you still won't hear me." _He looked across the room, finding an old picture of "Angel."

"_Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself. Maybe I'll wake up for once. Not tormented_ (sniff) _daily, defeated by you, just when I thought_ (sniff) _I'd reached the bottom_." he let tears drop off and onto the picture of Satan...em....I mean, Angel. "ARGH, Angel, I miss you so much!!!" he screamed. "I mean, _I'm dying again. I'm going under, drowning in you. I'm falling forever, I've got to break through. I'm going under."_

He sniffed again, hugging the picture close to his chest. "ANGELLLL!!!!" he screamed, shaking back and forth. "_Stirring and blurring the truth and the lies, so I don't know what's real and what's not. Always confusing the thoughts in my head, just when I thought I'd reach the bottom. I'm dying again. I'm going under, drowning in you, I'm falling forever, I've got to break through."_ he sat back down on the chair, wiping the tears away from his eyes. "_So go and scream; scream at me. I'm so far away. I won't be broken again. I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under."_ he threw the picture on the ground, sulking in the chair.

Alister was now in the library, out of Winston's way in the kitchen – who was unpacking the shopping – reorganising the ornaments on the mantelpiece. He hummed along to the rest of his song, before singing along to it again, _"Now everyday ain't gonna be no picnic. Love ain't no walk in the park. All you can do is make the best of it now. Can't be afraid of the dark. Just know you're not in this thing alone. There's always a place in me that you can call home. Whenever you feel like we're growing apart," _he looked up as Lara walked in, grabbing a broom in the corner of the room before she left again, exchanging a half-hearted smile on the way. _"Let's just go back, back, back, back, back to the start."_ he looked up as Kurtis came in this time, scowling and muttering curses under his breath as he made his way to the other corner of the room, picking up the hoover before he exited, muttering more curses. _"Anything that's worth having is sure enough worth fighting for. Quit's out of the question, when it gets tough gotta fight some more." _he moved one picture frame a few places to the left and sighed. His work was done.

Lara looked over to Kurtis in the living room, averting her gaze from him after he met it. They were working on the lounge area in the living room, and one of the genius' came up with the idea to work together without any bickering. She sighed as she turned away from him completely, brushing away some dust that was covering the tiled floor. She found a broken bit of glass, bending down to pick it up. She snapped back up as she started to hear Kurtis sing, "_Damn, girl, how you get all of that in dem jeans, dem jeans? How'd you get all of that in dem? Damn girl, how you get all that?"_ Lara turned around, looking at Kurtis who was staring at her lower body like his life depended on it, a smirk plastered across his face, _"Is you talkin' to me?" _she sang along with him. _"Yeah you. I bet you had to jump up and down just to put 'em on. Bet you had to wiggle it around just to put 'em on. Bet you had to lay back up on the bed just to zip 'em up. Am I right?" _he looked back up at her, a seductive look on his face. What was up with him? One minuet they were arguing, the next he was asking how she got her ass in her jeans? _"You right," _she sang along, regardless. _"Baby that's what's up." _he nodded his head up. He edged closer to her. _"Now, now, now. When walkin' girl, and you make it swirl, it's hard for me not to look, and I want you in my world. Bubbled up, poking out."_ Kurtis continued to sing along to "Dem Jeans" by Chingy. Lara crossed her arms over her chest, eyeing Kurtis suspiciously. "What do you want?" she smirked. "It's preposterous to think that you think I want something, Ms Croft." he smiled smugly, talking in a perfect English accent. "Besides, I should respect your decisions unless I want to..." he turned back to his original American accent, "Get my ass kicked."

"Well keep it that way." she smiled, getting back to her work. "You're the one who's going to miss my knees." she heard him chuckled under his breath. "Oh, I am, am I?" she snapped around to face him again. "There's a lot of girls who wish they had my knees." he said.

"Oh, yes, of course, and you're mother is first in line." she shot back. Then, she had an idea of her own. She plastered her face with the most flirty one she could show, and she got back to her work, this time facing Kurtis. _"When I first saw you, I knew nothing's like it used to be. Boy, you have got to be the finest thing in history. The way I feel inside is just so hard to understand. You feed my appetite in ways I can't explain." _she took a quick glance at Kurtis, who was still working, but smirking at the same time. She smiled to herself as she continued, _"I'll eat you up, your love, your love. I'll eat you up, your love, your love. I'll eat you up, so yum, yum. Can't get enough, I think I'm in love." _she chuckled quietly as Kurtis snapped his head up at her. She was getting ready to sing again, when she heard screams coming from the kitchen, tech room, music room and library. _"We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love." _she looked up towards the library where she heard Alister singing. _"Tick tock, on the clock, DJ blow my speakers up." _she turned around to see the tech room, where Zip was singing. Then she startled when someone screamed from the music room, _"I'M GOING UNDER!!!"_.....Larson, no doubt. Then she heard a croak – which was still loud....-ish - coming from Winston in the kitchen. Which; was too croaky to make out what he was singing.

She put her broom down on the floor, beginning to walk towards Kurtis slowly. He stood still as she began to sing, _"If you move any closer, boy, there is no guarantee. What I will do to you; I fear it and it's scaring me." _she walked closer to him, watching as his eyes filled with lust. Until they were almost touching, she brushed past him, starting to work on something else. She heard him groan behind her. This was killing him. _"Like I've become some kind of demon in the night. You look so tasty, I could eat you up alive. I'll eat you up, your love, your love. I'll eat you up, your love, your love. I'll eat you up, so yum, yum. Can't get enough, I think I'm in love." _she turned around again, being startled by Kurtis who was watching her, a grin plastered across his face.

He leant against one of the pillars in the room, smirking at her. A flirty look crossed her face, and she slowly stalked towards Kurtis. _"Can't stop thinking 'bout the things I wanna do to you. If you move any closer, you'd be asking for it too." _she walked closer until their lips were almost touching. _"I want your love, I need your touch. So much I think I'm in love." _she brushed her lips against his before she turned away, tidying some papers that were scattered across the coffee table away. _"I'll eat you up, your love, your love. I'll eat you up, your love, your love. I'll eat you up, so yum, yum. Can't get enough, I think I'm in love." _she turned away from her duties, beginning to walk upstairs, glancing back and smirking as Kurtis followed her. She got to the top of the stairs, turning around and walking backwards in the direction of her bedroom. _"I wanna take you to my room. I'll eat you up." _she smiled as she waited at the door, getting ready to open it when Kurtis caught up with her. He got closer and she turned the handle on the door, walking in the room. She saw Kurtis walk up to her, and she smiled again, _"Wanna take you to my room. I'll eat you up, so yum yum. Can't get enough, I think I'm in love." _she wrapped her arms around Kurtis' neck, beginning to pull his mouth to hers. Then, she smiled mischievously, bringing her knee up to a place of Kurtis' that was only meant to be treated nicely. He broke away from her, keeling over in pain. She smirked down at him, "Don't fuck with me, Trent, 'cause I'll screw you over twice as bad." she made her way out of the room, leaving Kurtis in pain. _"I'll eat you up." _

* * *

**AN: Soooo, this was for Children In Need!!! Hence all the singing!!! **

**So the list of songs that were in this chapter is:**

**Fight For This Love by Cheryl Cole (the song Alister sang)**

**Tik Tok by Kesha (the song Zip sang)**

**Going Under by Evanescence (the EPIC song Larson sang)**

**Dem Jeans by Chingy (the song Kurtis sang)**

**and....**

**Eat You Up by Boa (The song in which Lara pwned Kurtis!!!)**

**Wow, it's been a while since I updated this, huh? Well I didn't have any great ideas, and these kinda built up over the writer's block period!!!**


	14. Teenage Torment

**AN: Um...hey, remember me? Probably not...*clears throat* I'm that fanfic author that used to write a bunch of crap, and then said she would update one day, and then didn't (because of good reasons, but other were just plain being lazy), and then vanished off the face of the Earth. HA! I saw that lightbulb spark above your head! NOW you remember me! Or maybe not? Oh, well. **

**Okay, so, I'm not going to give you reasons other than this about why I've suddenly disappeared: I wrote about ¼ of my chapter, and then *plop* in comes Christmas. This involved a hell of a lot of visiting family (as everyone probably does during Christmas), and then I went on a ski trip with the freshmans, sophmores, and juniors of my school to Maine (and I obviously didn't have my laptop with me). Then it was my birthday, and then...well...I DID write a couple of, well, to be blunt, paragraphs when I had a chance to, but then everyone else's birthday's kept rolling in, which meant shopping, and then doing something on their birthday's. And then I had to make course choices for my third year in high school, and then...well. That's when the writer's block REALLY came in. But as me and my friend discussed the other day while walking to school, there's only a small difference between writer's block and not being arsed. **

**Now, that TRULY INSPIRING story made me think, 'I want to kick my not-being-arsed ass!' and that I did...well, almost, my other story is still on hiatus. And this is also for a friend's birthday. But, since she is one of my greatest best friends, but lives all the way across the Atlantic, I can save some money and write a chapter dedicated to her! (another one!) **

**Well, on with it, then!**

**(Shout out to the birthday girl; trjunepearl, Alice XD SURPRISE ATTACK!)**

**Disclaimer: I own nobody in this chapter...apart from me. The Tomb Raider characters in this chapter belong solely to Eidos Interactive/Square Enix/Core Design/Crystal Dynamics. I own myself (the character Nikita), but I don't own the character Amy (the friend with whom I shared an epiphany), Alice (b-day girl, or trjunepearl), or Corey (a boy I semi-know). The latter three all belong to themselves :P **

**Enough of my crap, on with the story!**

"Yes, of course there's room."

As Alister walked down the stairs, he spotted a grim-looking Lara standing near the coffee table, telephone in hand. He stopped mid-stride, leaning against the banister as he listened into her conversation (which he might possibly get a slap for, but, hey, who cared?).

"Well...I don't know. It would be fantastic to see you...yes, there is room, like I said. But it's a bit short notice, isn't it?" Lara sighed at the answer on the other end. "Fine. Seeing as you're in the country already, I suppose you best come. Saves you from detouring to Blackpool or Haggerston." She sighed once more, and placed the phone down.

"What's wrong with Blackpool or Haggerston?" Alister asked, continuing down the stairs.

"You were listening in?" Lara asked. She sat – or rather fell – down on the sofa.

"Yeah, what's wrong with them places?" Larson asked. He had been watching from the top of the stairs.

"You, too?" Lara sighed. "An old friend of mine's daughter is coming to visit. Apparently it's her friend's birthday, and she's always dreamed of meeting me. She's bringing a small entourage with her. To be precise, it'll be teenage central for the next two days. Two thirteen year old girls, a fifteen year-old boy, and a fourteen year-old girl. Not to mention, a few other people might find out and tag along."

"I've never been to Blackpool." Larson said.

"Nice to know you care, Larson." Lara said.

"I'm sure it can't be that bad. Is this little Nikita we're talking about?" Alister joined Lara on the couch.

"Yes, but I'm not sure she's so "little" any more. Count in a growth spurt, a few years too intelligent for her own good, and a whole interest swap. She's still the smart, funny girl we know, just a few years older. That's what I'm worried about."

"I'm sure you can handle a few teenagers, Lara." Alister chuckled. "Besisdes, you deal with us every day. We're worse."

"What's Blackpool like?" Larson groaned from the top of the stairs.

"GO GOOGLE IT!" Lara shouted. Her reply was a wide-eyed Larson, staring down at her like she was the devil himself. Speaking of the devil, he wondered where Angel was.

Lara calmed herself down. "I'm not worried about having to look after them, it's just...well. I'm not sure if I can handle more children."

"You'll be fine; you always are." Alister said.

"I. Want. To. Go. To. Blackpool." Larson said through gritted teeth.

"Well, go the hell to Blackpool, then! Go to Timbuktu for all I care!"

"That's a real place?" Larson asked. "Funny, I thought that's what people always said when they wanted rid of you." He laughed quietly to himself. "So, we're having guests?"

A sudden thought occurred to Lara at this point. "Oh, _God. _Alister, get him locked up in the basement, and DO NOT let him out whatsoever while these kids are here! Nikita will leave with one ear, Corey will be gay, Amy will be demented, and Alice might just end up bald. I'm serious. This man is as crazy as it gets, and I don't want these children to leave with mental problems after meeting him."

Larson's mouth dropped open, "EXCUSE ME?"

"That's a bit far-fetched, Lara, is it not?" Alister asked. He was met with a look that said 'Does it look like I'm kidding?'. "In fact, you're right. Larson, you're either on your best behaviour, or it's down to the basement."

Larson had been walking down the stairs throughout the conversation. He was now opposite Lara and Alister, and he sat down on the couch slowly. "But there's spider's in there." he whispered. He looked genuinely terrified.

"It's either that or you behave."

"Will do, Pipsqueak."

Alister cleared his throat. "Enough of that name, Larson. We have enough trouble with over-aged children acting like idiots in this house already; we don't need you to turn these possibly-mature teens-" Larson stifled a laugh at this "- into...well, people like yourself, Kurtis, or Zip."

As if on cue, the doors to the front of the manor burst open. A red water balloon came flying at Lara, and hit her square on the face. Screaming laughter came from outside, and Kurtis sprinted into the main hall, Zip following him. They were both carrying water balloons. "KURTIS!" Lara shouted.

"Oh-em-gee, colours!" Larson screamed. He caught Lara's glare and his smile faded away.

Kurtis stopped running, and his smile faded. Lara opened her arms, and Kurtis grinned, throwing a balloon her way. She caught it easily, and threw it at Zip. "Damn, girl, you've got good aim." Zip said, shaking his wet head.

"What, are you a dog or something? Don't ring your head out on me, dude!" Kurtis shouted.

"I want a cat called Persia." Larson sighed.

They all stared at him.

"And I think I've got hydroplocoasus."

"What the hell is hydroploco-whatchamacallit?" Kurtis asked.

"A disease that decreases the rate in which the brain processes things." Alister put in.

"Oh. Well, that would explain a lot of things." Lara said. She walked over to Kurtis, plucked another balloon out of his hand, and threw it over her head. It landed right on Larson's head. A few seconds later, it seemed to dawn on him what happened. "Hey!" he shouted.

"Point proved." Kurtis said.

"I'll be upstairs, if you need me. Staring at Jared and Alex." Larson sighed blissfully. He started up the stairs.

"I should put in that's Padelecki and Pettyfer." Zip said.

"He's got posters of Jared Padelecki and Alex Pettyfer?" Kurtis asked.

"Who can blame him?" Alister and Lara said in unison.

Kurtis cleared his throat, and put on a fake girl accent – an epic fail. "Girl, when you got brute force like you do, with a body like _that, _who needs those hotties? You got one on your doorstep. It's like having Brad Pitt waiting for you in bed every night. With twice the amount of stamina."

Zip laughed and patted Kurtis on the back. "Don't be too kind on yourself, man. Don't over-exaggerate, either."

"Zip, dude, admit it. You want me." Kurtis smirked.

"Erm, no, I don't, _dude._"

Kurtis did a small twirl, "I ain't no delicate little flower, but I'm a mind reader, remember? I know you'd change your type for me. I mean, who can blame you?"

"Now you just sound like a whore. I'd stop if I were you."

"No, no, this is getting interesting. Keep going, Kurtis." Lara smiled.

"You _both _want me. You would so tap this."

Alister laughed. "No offence, Kurtis, but you don't do it for me. Maybe Zip and Lara, but not me."

Zip scoffed. "Al, this man is standing here trying to convince me to turn gay for him, with his girl standing _right there._ What is it that doesn't do it for you, again?"

"Thinks he's attractive, not a lot going on upstairs. You're not as bad as Larson, though."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm no psychopathic ditz, but I'm not exactly Steven Hawkings. You needed some brute force for a change, and I stuck."

Lara walked up to him, and patted him on the cheek. "You just remember that."

"Yeah, sorry, guys. But my glorious body belongs to the one and only Lady Croft." he put his arm around Lara's shoulders.

"Just not tonight."

"Oh, Jared, you shouldn't have!" they heard Larson shout from upstairs.

"Should we tell him that Mr. Padelecki is half way across the world, and...erm, _couldn't _have done anything?" Alister asked.

"Nah, let's just let him live in the moment." Zip laughed, throwing himself down on the sofa.

"This is getting rather disturbing. This whole day, in fact." Lara sighed.

"It's about to get worse. I just heard a car pull up outside." Alister said.

"Who's coming, like? More men for Kurtis to turn gay?" Zip put in.

"Ha ha, very funny." Kurtis said, sitting down beside Zip on the couch.

"Too close, dude."

"Is that a gun I see, Mr...what the hell _is _your surname? Barcode?"

"For you, beautiful, it can be Rub-Someone-Else-Up."

"ALEX, COME AND MEET LARA AND KURTIS!" Larson screamed.

"HE DOESN'T KNOW YOU, LARSON!" Lara shouted back up.

Kurtis squealed and jumped to his feet, "Oh, Zip, please, we're with company."

"Shut up, dude, or that face of yours won't be so pretty within the next twenty seconds."

"You know where to come at night..."

"That is just _too _far, Kurtis. I sleep in that room, too, remember." Lara chuckled.

Kurtis did a small dance...(quite disturbing, Lara thought). "It's not my fault that everyone wants a bit of the K-man..."

"Oh, for f-"

"Um, Lara? Are we interrupting something?" Lara heard a young girls voice coming from the open doorway of the manor. She turned around, and spotted the one person she recognised out of the crowd of teenagers.

"Nikita! You're a bit early, are you not?" she walked up to the girl – Nikita – and hugged her. The embrace was immediately returned, and Lara stepped back to survey how much the girl had changed...which, she realised, was a _lot. _She was wearing a Converse top with 'Make Noise' printed in big lettering just above the chest of the top, with a blue tartan shirt buttoned up, with a few buttons left loose to make out the top underneath. She was also wearing dark blue skinny jeans, with black Converse hi' tops on top of them, and finally a brown leather jacket over her shoulders. It looked like she had black hair, but if Lara squinted in the light, she could see the true brunette she was. But she wouldn't _dare _imply that she had black hair...she knew from experience that Nikita hated that. But, that girl _had _changed.

"Well, we were already here, and met Alice at Gatwick. It wasn't that long to get here from there, and we were practically five blocks away when I phoned..." Nikita smiled up at Lara.

Lara sighed, but returned the gesture. She motioned towards the other three teens in the room. "Well, aren't you going to introduce us?"

"Oh, right, sorry." Nikita motioned to her right, where a girl about an inch smaller stood beside her. She was a red-head, with blonde highlights. Lara instantly felt sorry for the girl. "This is Amy." Amy was wearing a purple Fall Out Boy t-shirt, grey skinny jeans, and blue low top Converses on her feet. Another leather jacket – except this was black – covered her shoulders. A red tartan shirt was unbuttoned on top of the band tee. Lara greeted her, and looked at the boy on Nikita's left.

"This is Corey." Lara noticed how Nikita seemed to flush when she said the boys name...she also noticed how he smiled at Nikita when she introduced him. She made a mental note to dig into it later. Hey, maybe that's a new career choice. Lara Croft – Dating Extrordinare. Although, it wouldn't go so good on her reputation if she had "Boyfriend tries to convince other men to turn gay for him, when he is utterly straight." scrawled on a list of experiences. Hmm, maybe not such a great occupation. She brought her mind back to the present, and looked at Corey. He was remarkably taller than the three girls, maybe even taller than Zip or Kurtis. He had light brown hair, in a somewhat Emo haircut. It was swept to the side, and came down to just below his ears. He was wearing a plain red t-shirt, with 'You Me At Six' printed on the bottom left hand corner. He was wearing "normal" jeans, put with a third pair of Converses hidden beneath them. These were also black. He looked older than the girls, maybe fifteen at the most.

"And, finally, Alice. The birthday girl." Nikita smiled, and pointed to the tall, leggy girl on the other side of Amy. All of them were leggy, Lara noticed then. Not exactly giants, but a decent height for their age – especially Corey.

Alice was wearing a dark red and white stripy tank top, that had 'Punk' written on one of the lines. Instead of jeans, like the other kids, she was wearing black combat trousers, with biker boots on underneath. Like Corey, she had light brown hair, but auburn highlights ran through her long hair. At this point, Lara realised that all the girls that long hair; Amy had her's tied up, but it still managed to reach her waist. Alice and Nikita had shorter hair, but it was still long. And Lara realised that all the girls had a lot going for them in the "looks department". Corey and Alice had full lips – like herself – but Lara found that Amy and Nikita were still incredibly pretty, like Alice. Corey could be like a junior Kurtis...or, to rub it in, a junior Jared Padelecki or Alex Pettyfer. She couldn't see these girls needing a lot of make-up.

"Nice to meet you all." she smiled, and ushered them into the living room. "Where's Winston?" she asked the room.

"He's outside," Zip said, "He was playing with Kurtis and me, except we had a little bet, and he lost..." he smirked.

"Is HE that guy tied up to that tree?" Corey asked. "'Cause, and no offence, but I think you need a butler in better shape."

"You were PLAYING with him and TIED HIM TO A TREE?" Lara shouted.

Kurtis laughed, "It's his own fault."

"I'm not even going to ask what you bet." Lara muttered under her breath.

"Wow, who the hell are you?" Kurtis asked the teens behind Lara.

"Excuse me?" Amy asked.

"My God, Lara, did you bring the Village Of The Damned with you?" Alister chuckled.

"I'm going to pretend we didn't hear that." Nikita said.

"WAIT FOR ME!" The room turned around as a fourth girl, and an _incredibly _tall boy ran into the room. They were both blonde, and seemed to brighten the group up. "Oh, this is Shannon and Dale." Nikita said. The girl – Shannon – was wearing light blue jeans, with a pink Henley's jacket zipped up to the top, covering an unseen top. She was wearing grey plimsolls on her feet. The boy, Dale, was also wearing light blue jeans, with a plain green top, and grey plimsolls.

"I take it you two are the lively people of the group?"

"Oh, no. This is the village idiot, and our BFG."

"Dale's as friendly as you can get...Shannon's as insane as you can get." Amy said.

"I highly doubt it." Lara said. "Speaking of narcissistic psychopathic idiots, where's Larson?"

"He ran outside with 'Jared and Alex' while you were talking to the kids. And, Zip violated me." Kurtis whispered.

"Oh, c'mon, man, there's kids here!" Zip shouted.

"Can we just get the party, started, please? Not to be rude, but we're a tad jetlagged." Corey said.

"AMY!" Shannon shouted. They all turned to look at her. "You got a bottle? I need a drink."

"There's a kitchen right through there, Shannon."

"Oh, never mind." They noticed how she suddenly started gasping for air.

"What the hell are you doing?" Alice asked. It was the first time she had spoken. She had an American accent, whereas the rest of them all had Scots accents.

"I thought I was dying – false alarm." Shannon sighed as she marched – literally _marched –_ to the sofa, before sitting down beside Kurtis.

"I don't feel safe next to her." he said, getting up and sitting on the opposite couch.

"What about this party?" Nikita held up an ASDA bag, with a Bonkers bag in the other hand. "We brought the supplies, so, basically, you only have to supply the venue. And, it's Alice's first day as a proper teen. It only makes sense to celebrate. And, she's like, your biggest fan...joint with me, of course." she smiled.

"Oh, okay, fine. Get Larson in here." Lara said.

"Are you sure that's the best idea?" Kurtis asked. "It's just, this kid here seems pretty crazy, and we might not want to torment these kids when they're so young."

"Don't worry about crap like that. We'll be fine. If you went to our schools, you would understand." Dale said. He had a sweet voice...sort of like Alister's, but with less Cockney and more Scottish.

Larson came running through the doors of the manor just then, with Jared Padelecki and Alex Pettyfer running behind him. Not the posters; the real people. Everybody stared in awe. "Is that...?" Nikita asked.

"I think it is..." Amy said.

The pairs mouths had dropped open, and Corey looked slightly jealous.

"JARED, ALEX! YOU GOT THE NEWS!" Shannon jumped to her feet. The rest of the people in the room turned to look at _her _now.

"YOU organised this?" Corey asked.

"Hell yes. I wanted the best for Alice."

"I'm not complaining." Alice laughed.

"I am." Corey scowled. Nikita looked over at him, and Lara saw his expression soften into a smile. She returned the gesture – blushing again – and looked at the two stars in front her.

"Well, Kurtis." Zip said. "Seeing you all in a room together – I'd pick Jared. Sorry, man."

**AN: I should also say that I don't own Jared Padelecki or Alex Pettyfer, and I don't own Shannon (who is actually pretty insane in real life. She marches down the corridor all the time. It's pretty scary as to what her unknown imput to Larson's character in this is) and Dale (who is literally like the Big Friendly Giant). **

**I'm sorry if this didn't fit up to your expectations, but I just wrote this for Alice's birthday. I hadn't been planning to write it, but I had to give her SOMETHING for her birthday! **

**So, Happy Birthday Alice!**

**Niki x**

***Oh, and hydroplocoasus isn't a real disease. It's something my friend – yes, seeing as you're asking, it WAS Shannon – made up when she was a "doctor". My friend Amy got a big cut one day, and "Doctor" Shannon "stitched" it up, so I asked her if I had a diagnosis, and she gave me hydroplocoasus...but apparently I'm cured now. **


End file.
